The Sequel

I WAS NOT KIDDING ABOUT THE COOKING CRAZE....

The cinnamon rolls I did 2 days ago disapeared quickly and I was asked to do some more for a party in 2 weeks. So I decided to practise some more, see how it goes.

They don't look bad, but I was really depressed with the first set of rolls I took out of the oven. They are pale..... and for some reason the frosting is pale too. I had very high expectations, and now I'm tired and disapointed.
But at least I've learned a couple of things and next time I'll do things better: I'll make the dough a little thicker so it can cook more time and I think it will taste better too, not so sweet. And make the coffee for the frosting a little stronger. And maybe put some butter on them before cooking for a more golden look. I hope that works....

Now i'm waiting for the frosting to get harder so I can freeze them. I'm not too happy though :(


Also the dough has some brown freckles! what's that about? I've done pizza dough and other stuff and that always happens, I have absolutly no idea why. i've seen it in bread that I've bought, so maybe it's not me. Since these are so pale the freckles are more noticable. The frosting made them prettier.

I really wasn't kidding about the craze. I'm embarassed to get into details about that.

Jesus Christ SuperStar - Judas Song

In portuguese...

Judas Super Star

I just came back from the theater. I saw the portuguese version of Jesus Christ Superstar. I liked Judas! See his video above. He kicks ass. Today we got the substitute for the main Jesus Christ, not the one you see on the video above, and I think that was a pitty. If he was meant to be the main atraction, he certainly wasn't today. Judas took over in my opinion. People still applauded Jesus a bit more, but I think it was just for convention.

Overall, it was nice. I'm a bit confused about this play, mixed feelings. I didn't like how they chose to start it: in the first minutes of the play you see images of new york, in a huge screen, almost 3 times the size of a cinema screen, and then you see the 9/11 scenes, the plane crashing..... and... I mean, why?

I know they meant to update the play, and refer to the religious wars nowadays, but it was just not justified and very shocking. I was trying to hold the tears in and not being able to. And I didn't like that, too violent. I shut down emotionally quite a bit after that and was more cinical during the rest of the play. Lack of sensitivity, is my first critique.

Also it's a very flashy kind of show, kind of like Cirque du Soleil, and the production/ setting and the actors were just not up to it, most of the actors weren't that good, problably because they casted them for the singing abilities above all. That was a bit distracting sometimes. I tend to be a bitch with performing arts. I try not to. They make me itchy if they aren't really good. I did gain some respect for actors after doing a workshop of public speaking with an actor a few weeks ago. It can be a real art to use your body and soul to... well, pretend you're someone else. But as it may be obvious along this post, I have a bit of a problem with non realistic things.

The mixed feelings are mostly because the story of jesus is so well known, and most people, and certainly I, have our own interpretation of what happened and how. I guess that is the whole point of the play: to be rebelious and -at the time it came out, circa 1973 - be revolutionary, and show the jewish version of who Jesus was, just a man. They don't show the ressurection. It ends in the death.

note: the following paragraph is a post scriptum edit, so nevermind if it's not too coherent with the next piece of text.

-> I'm realizing Judas is "secretly"- in the sense it's not too obvious - meant to be the hero. He does die in the end, just as Jesus. He dies in remorse. But he does come back! He sort of resurrects and comes back with black wings, some time after in the play! OMG! How ironic. It is ironic that this video above is publicised by a catholic institution, and the voice-off at the theater is a well known radio guy who talks about his christian faith publicly, and the theater was filled with old catholic looking people mostly. This is what saturn -mercury will do to you. I take my sweet time to figure things out. I wonder if other people figured Judas is the hero in Jesus christ Super star. Oh the irony.

Pre insight text -> The characters are very human in a "plutonic" way: very visceral, not mystical or spiritual at all. That is the only original thing in the play. Which i liked but causes the mixed feelings I mentioned, created an opposition between my interpretation of the story and the author's. I think it would have been more realistic to portray the followers of Jesus like a new age cult nowadays, people a little lost and tending to fanaticism, but I guess that wasn't common at all in the pre Jesus era. He started the trend. Before him religions were pretty much like they are now again, mostly conventional rituals, traditions. He began the cult feeling. The spiritual-minority truth-holders-missionary thing. Not enough sociological studies on those.

One thing wasn't either original nor realistic at all. Jesus was a jew, he wasn't a nordic blue eyed blond hair barbie man. He was dark and had a long nose like jews do. He definatly wasn't blond. But that is also the way he is portrayed in the catholic paintings all over my grandmother's house, a barbie doll. Judas is mixed race, of course! In the original play he is dark as night actually.

They - not exactly made a caricature - but made each character into an archetype. The bad and the good. The black and the white. And the purple. This is more obvious in the secondary characters. The priests are very "evil witch". Judas is the more complex one. And he seems to be a bit jeoulous of Jesus and Magdalene sometimes. There's a very gay and sexualized energy to the play all along. A tad of venezualian-soap-opera kind of love triangle. Which is interesting. It's rebelious to wonder the motivations of the people behind such a religious story.

The main characters, Judas, Peter and Magdalene seem to beleive Jesus isn't God, he's a mere man, an iluded man, which they love (and lust) nonetheless. People of no faith!!!! :) Did make me remember that the idea of faith being a good thing began after Jesus. That's when it became real important at least. Before, when Moses was leading the jews accross the desert and they were bitchin all the way, lacking faith, Moses would complain and bitch back, but no problem, God would still send the mana to feed them and keep them safe nontheless. Trying to prove himself to them. After Jesus that changed. no faith, no deal.

I loved Judas, he is extremely talented and a hottie.

III P.S. - In defense of my brain, I have to say it really isn't obvious that Judas is the hero. He is very sexualized and agressive, and a traitor!.. and he's in black, and he commits suicide, and when he comes back with his wings, he comes back in a sort of boys band, they all have black wings. The message that he is the hero is very subliminal. It only came to my attention this play might be a jewish version of the events because I read someone mention that on youtube just now, fecthing that video above. I didn't watch the play expecting it to be anti christ. And they sure don't make it in-your-face obvious like they do with all the other secondary characters. He's a man that beleives what he is doing, though he has a human side too, being afraid of dying. That shows he wasn't a psycho. He is very respected... as a human, never as God. I didn't give that much thought though -just got a little ich at the lack of historic accuracy - because I thought it was acceptable, that will just make the ressurection that much more spectacular... but no. Only Judas came back from death. Judas the hell raising, Jesus lusting traitor.

Jesus is the one that takes center stage at the end and names the play and all! And all the christians go an see it and applaude Jesus at the end.

Oh god. I'm having a saturn-mercury crisis. Do you think I might be retarded? I'll ask my bf if he figured it out. He's usually pretty quick at that sort of thing. If he didn't i'll calm down.

It is very sarcastic that Jesus is portrayed as a barbie man. Shows the shear ignorance people have about who he was. Now I see why this play is such a classic. It appeals to all people, the christians enjoy the publicity to Jesus either way, i'm sure. It's pretty brilliant actually. Not the fact it appeals to all, but the play itself, it's potencially an awesome show in the right conditions.

Maybe I didn't get it because I couldn't understand all the words they were singing, and the acting wasn't that great.

I watched a clip of the Judas in the JCSS movie and he made it a bit more clear that he was a nice person, divided. This Judas today was more raged all the time, crazed. It was confusing. The director might have adapted a little, to make it harder for people to get it. Because portugal is a very religious country, he wouldn't have an audience if people were understanding the message. Really ironic that christian man was the voice off of the play. Ok, enough rambling about this.

Cinnamon Rolls

Aren't these amazing?? I just made them and I'm sooo excited!!
They are freakin delicious! And I think they look beautiful.
I have to go because I'm sending these pictures to friends online and they are coming over right now!

Thanks to Pioneer Woman for this recipe!!! I was reading her blog all night long! http://www.thepioneerwomancooks.com/2007/06/cinammon_rolls_.html
She's alot of fun to read, and there's amazing recipes there.

Be back later!

FOOD

Just thought I'd share I'm having a cook craze, it is official. I have been cooking ALOT, and things are delicious, my freezer is packed with food. I want to cook, improve my cooking, eat and feed people. This is what drives me. Venus is conjunct my moon these days. That must be why.

I made the best chicken soup ever. The best roasted meat. The best caccoa balls, the best fruit salad.... what else..? potato salad. banana pancakes. I'm having violent urges to bake home made cookies. which i've never done by myself. I've decided to wait and get proper ingredients and do them tomorrow. also having urges of discovering how to make pizza dough, so I can make the perfect pizza. I use a tomato sauce for pizza which is delicious. then put some canned pineapple in tiny bits, and green pepper in tiny bits and them a mix of cheeses or just mozzarela, it's great. Except I do it with frozen pizza bases and they're ok, but not very exciting. I miss good pizza. There are 3 pizzarias in my island and they are all very good. (the photo is from one of those, i didn't make it) My island has 15 thousand people. I now live in lisbon, which has half a million people, and no good pizza anywhere. I've looked hard. There are some that are interesting but not my idea of pizza at all. Most are just very very bad. This pains me much. I had a very good pizza in a town up north once. 300 kms away.

I still have a fat person's head. Food is so amazing. I've tried drugs once, and it was good, but food is better. It used to be at least. It did change after the bypass. Now I get disapointed often. I expect food to have the same effect as before, and it doesn't. Maybe that's why I like to feed other people now.

Detox ... ?

So... I don't think the enema worked. I wasn't able to get much liquid in, it either didn't move out of the pear no matter how hard i squeezed or moved and most came out and wet my bed. I think a bit went in though. I layed there on my right side for 20 minuted anyway, so the coffee would reach the liver, thinking next time I'll ask if I should lay on my head if I want the liquid to go to my brain and laughing by myself.
I'm stupid, I know.
But some things just don't make alot of sense to a non medical person like myself.

I will try it again, but with water or water and magnesium sulfate, or a proper soap. Maybe I'm too clugged for anything to go in yet. I'll keep trying. Wish me luck. Meawhile I went shopping and am preparing a nice dinner for tonight. :)

Enema day

Seems like today is a good day to talk about how I feel

according to my favorite online horoscope (That's soulgarden, on youtube). Not only me, but all Pisces! Yes....sun sign astrology. Ir works sometimes. I've figured how it works, each sun sign is put on house one.

For pisces that makes aries be in house 2, house of personal values and self esteem, house 3 in taurus..house of comunication, etc. So today the moon is in taurus, in pisces' house of comunication = a good day to talk about our piscean feelings.

I feel bummed out mostly, a bit unconfortable in the world lately, having weird days and wanting to check out. Feeling intoxicated... I'm looking forward to doing a coffee enema today, for the first time! Hoping it will help me detox and feel more alive and awake. I've been reading alot about it. Here's a good link if you're interested: http://www.enapure.com/bottom_of_it.html

I can't wait to do it. I need to go buy the enema at the pharmacy. I've never done it, but feel ready. I'm determined to make it a good experience. I'll have nice music on. And be lying confortably for the 15 minutes. I'm supposed to lay on my right side for that long before I use the bathroom, after having the coffee pour inside the colon. The coffee will meanwhile stimulate the bile and make it pour out into the colon all the toxins in my body hopefully. That's what the doctor said it would do. This is a very taurean subject.

I've done a detox in brazil once. a couple of times actually. and it included colon cleansing as soon as we'd arrive, we had to drink magnesium sulfate in a bit of water and then drink alot of water and it all went to the colon and that washed everything. Truely. I had clean water coming out at one point. This was because I had been there for 21 days, on 400 cal a day, organic vegetarian food, then i left the clinic for 3 days and when I came back I had to take the magnesium sulfate again, but I was still clean, so I had clean water coming from my colon. I hope this isn't graphic in your mind. It isn't in mine. Anyway, now to the good part. My skin has fortunatly never been bad, but it was absolutly perfect then. I felt great. I would eat half a grape or whatever we were allowed to eat at a meal, and 2 hours later, I'd have a bowel movement. Like a clock. Like a baby, or a puppy. That's how it's supposed to be.

I lost 15 kilos in a month there, this was pre bypass surgery. It was very violent psychologically, I was there all alone and it was a religious institution, very freaky one at that. And had a stupid doctor call my father an tell him I wasn't trying hard enough! All because he asked me how I was doing and I was honest, I told him it was hard and I felt the clinic was strange. He didn't like that I guess. I changed to a wonderful cuban doctor after that. I actually kind of fell in love with him, and that gave me strengh to be there.

It was one of the hardest things I've done though. Much harder then anything i've gone though after the gastric bypass. But in the midst of it all, I do remember my skin looking amazing, and not having strange pain or feeling sluggish like I do now, etc. And having energy to get up at 6 am and doing a 2 hour walk, then 2 hours of hidrogymnastics, all in one morning! and in the afternoon taking 1 hour hikes and doing more gymnastics and sometimes playing tennis! Oh, and walking on a treadmill late in the evening.

That was extreme. Some days I did all that. And I wasn't eating. I was doing a juice diet for 2 weeks, but with all the fast weight loss I felt a constant nausea and sometimes couldn't eat at all. That was a 400 cal a day, but somedays I must have been at 200. You need 1000 a day just to make your vital organs function. Have I mentioned how violent it was? it was crazy really. But I learned some good things.

I really really really want to feel good and fit everyday. I want to create a healthy routine for me. I want to be as healthy as ever.

Also I've been feeling a very strong need to express me. My voice, my truth. And ONLY that. This is my saturn opposite mercury I think. I want it badly. I feel so frustrated to see things and not have a voice, not be able to express how I see things. I want to find a way to do it. I don't know how though. I mean, I'm not talking about writing, I want to speak. Speaking is a problem for me. Organizing thoughts. I have mercury in pisces square neptune. I think in images and feelings, confusing ones. and it takes me a while, some times days, to be able to translate them to words. I want to work on this more intensively. Don't know how though.

On a different subject, today in the azores we celebrate girl friends day. Last week was boy friends day. So today all the girls get together, no men allowed, and go party. The local tv station usually reports it. should be fun.

I'll go get ready for my enema. :P I'll let you know how it worked later.

ps- don't know why but I haven't been able to publish this with proper paragraphs! It's so cluttered like this.....:/

let me try some html

hello

tralala

Motion

I changed templates!!

this one feels nice for now. I'm tired of looking. I need to learn to personalize it a bit.

I lost all the comments :( all the links :( and lots of cool things.....

anyway, life goes on. I'll try to get the links back and make the template cooler in the next days or so.

I found this lovely image:

update

Sorry for the abscense. I've been hibernating and dealing with secondary effects of antibiotics.
my digestive system has gone on strike. Do you have any ideas of something to write about? I'm not too inspired lately..

Richard Dawkins - The God Delusion

Here's the video I mention on the post below.

On "The God Delusion"

This is one of many videos on youtube about The God Delusion, a best seller book by Oxford professor Richard Dawkins, and my fellow Truth Seeker.

It's anti religion, and anti "God". I haven't read it, but i have figured that much from the videos. He reminds me of me on my atheist phase. He's an aries. He problably has lots of planets in Pisces and I'd guess some in Sagitarius too, and problably has always cared about the issue of God, the Truth, Science...... as I have. Pisces and Sag is the right recipe for a Truth Seeker.

I agree with his arguments (the ones I was able to see on a few videos). I wish I could list them here because for me, being an atheist was the process of learning to think rationally and abstractly. Some people achieve this hability by the age of 21 but many never do and thinking about these things might stymulate readers minds, which is always a healthy thing.

I came up up my own most brilliant atheist arguments, I didn't read them anywere, I was actually struggeling to be able to have faith again, after having built my life on the christian faith, but my mind very suddeny kept coming up with arguments against it. I must have increased a few points in IQ those couple of years. I can't talk about Richard's Hawkins arguments, just say i agree with the ones I heard, and take this chance to briefly talk about where I stand about this god thing.

I wish I could hear R.H. talk about the shortcomings of the scientific method. All reality isn't palpable, measurable..etc... we're surrounded by images and sounds that tv's and radios can translate but our senses can't. animals hear sound waves that we can't, and so forth: the senses are very limited. And so is the scientific method in dealing with certain issues such as the existence of God.

In some videos he seems angry about it all, I imagine he might feel as if he spent too much time of his life running in the wrong path, as I once thought, or maybe he's just angry because he beleives that religion is stoping millions of people from having real lifes and keeping them from the Truth, and all that it implies... (Our beloved Truth. My sag moon NEEDS the truth to a fault, to pathology). I felt like that, untill later i realized there is no wrong path...... All paths are right, for different people at different times, and even though some seem to have very bad effects on the world, you need to let them be, because they will be corner stones to a broader view along the way. That sure relaxed me more.

I hope he is able to continue to be a true scientist, as curious for the Truth as before, whichever new paradigm it may be, and not let his book become his own religious dogma, the final thing. It's not fun to be angry very long, or seeing things in black and white like his opposers do.

I see that whatever upsets you alot is your own shadow, no matter who or what is wearing it at the time it upsets you. Because people tend to have the same faults as the Other they are projecting upon . See how Bush claims to hate the terrorists and ended up being the worst one of all? That's how it works. He's at excatly the same level as they are. If your level of conscience/awareness is higher then someone's you don't ever feel very affected by them because you understand and simpathize with their different path /or ignorance, because it's where you once were yourself, and have been able to love yourself to the next stage. If you do get affected then look closely at what it is that affects you because that is your greater teacher about yourself, your mirror. You will be affected by someone if you still hate the part of yourself that you see in them. Learning to love who you are and where you are, and treat yourself like a lovely child learning it's lovely way through life, that's were you will find wisdom, peace, and God.

God is around, available, and it's essence is Love. That's the best definition I've found so far. Wherever true love is, you'll know you're close to the Source. Romantic love isn't usually the most pure form of this Love.. but it's a nice way to start grasping it, if that's what's available. The bible calls it Agape love, it's closer to brotherly love. unconditional, accepting. To love means to unite, accept, include in yourself.

If people are truth seekers at heart, they will find the truth.

Me, I've found that there are lots of things spiritual, all kinds.. i'm not familiar with most of them. Some people talk about lost spirits, demons, angels, spiritual hierarchy and whatnot. I beleive there are things out there, don't know exactly wht they are. They'll let me know if i need to or when I need to. I beleive in the Goodness of God. I have experienced extreme love and guidance, wisdom, when closer to the Source, in spirit.

I'm very inclined to beleive in reincarnation after having a few regressions and just realizing it explains so many things, like why people are already born with different characteristics, temperaments, personalities (psychology hasn't been able to figure that out in a way that would satisfy me).

It also explains my phobias. The can be defined as intense irrational fear of an object or situation. I beleive phobias usually come from bad past life experiences, usually ways in which one died. I have a phobia to water taps that don't work. I panick and it feels like I'm about to die. It is the worst experience for me to come accross a water tap that isn't working, or even a sewer in the street rushing water out.. Ok, i'm freaking out now just thinking about this. (*breathe....think of something else, something nice*) People with phobias will understand. Others won't. But loads of people have phobias. I find them fascinating.

I once asked my spiritual guide to show me a past life that had had the most impact on the present life and in that life I happened to have drowned inside a ship. The water was coming in from a huge tube in the ceiling.. That death was traumatic because my soul did not accept it. Not my ego, because that would be pretty normal, but my soul didn't, and that's alot like God not accepting something he caused himself. It's not a good thing. Once you dissociate that much with your soul it causes a few problems. In my case it caused a big part of me to not want to be born again. Not accepting death is just the same as not accepting life. Because there is no death really. Just cycles, of learning and maybe helping others if you choose to come for that reason.

But back to the subject, in psychology classes I've learned phobias can generalize to similar objects. e.g. someone with a phobia of tigers might become phobic of felines in general. So I figure the tube with uncontrolable water coming was registered intensely in my soul's memory as a very dangerous "stimulus" and originated the water tap phobia, making me feel like my life is threatned when I'm in that situation. Reincarnation explains this. This made me learn how important the present really is, it can mark your soul forever, actually not only it can, it does! Either for good or bad. Even when you are able to heal yourself, the experience is still there, with a different meaning now, but it's all registered.

I'm learning to define who God might be by my own experience, it's a very slow but steady process.

One of the things I learned and won't let go of, from my atheist phase, is that only first hand experience is good enough if you are seeking the truth. It's great to hear about all kinds of things but I wouldn't advice anyone to invest too much in something that doesn't make all the sense according to their personal experience. Because your life is made of choices, make them as smartly as you can. I try to.

Maria Flavia de Monsaraz, an astrology teacher, and honorary Truth seeker, usually says she doesn't teach anything, she just reminds it to people, in the sense that our souls recognize the Truth when they are in their presence. It makes sense. But I also notice what makes sense at some point in your life might haven't always. If you weren't ready for it before.. timing is very important in all this. Chill (but be smart in your choices), and learn to love, is what I try to do now.

Time

This photo is by Eric Francis. He has a mind blowing photo gallery on planet waves, his link is on my link bar... this is somewhere in Paris, maybe in a place called shakespeare and Co.

I don't have permission to post the picture, I didn't ask. I hope he won't mind. I've been meaning to write to him, to say how cool I think he is. and maybe to correct the name of the former portuguese prime minister which he got wrong somewhere in his photos of some european politicians where he was..

This post isn't about Eric though. I just wanted to say i've been a bit sick. I get low fevers every one in a while in the last 2 weeks. And I get tired and in pain. It sucks. I'm hoping it's a half dead flu virus and not something more serious. i've thought it could be leuchemia and fybromialgia (spelling?) . I get a bit hypocondriac sometimes.

In a couple of hours i'll be having my first neuropsych. post grad class. It'll just be an introduction. not a proper class. I'll need to leave sooner because it's right on the main avenue in the city and it will be rush hour soon. And i don't enjoy public transports that much, besides I can't get tired. After the class there's a party to go too. a new volkswagen is being launched i think. Not sure at all. but my boyfriend was invited and I will go too if i'm feeling up to it.

I wish i'd be talking more about my saturn transit. But I think this might be the kind of thing it takes a while to digest, you can only talk about it a while after it's done.... I miss places like the one on this photo. childhood felt like that.

Hello, goodbye.

Pluto moon conjunction

I thought it might be worth copying here a text I wrote on tribe.net, someone asked about experiences with pluto-moon conjunction. This transits happens once every 2 hundred and some years, so lots of people never go throught it in their lifetime. I did, 2 years ago. Here's how it was.

For me it was a clear rebirth of the Feminin, accepting the yin in me. I also have moon conj neptune in the 11th, sextile natal pluto in the 8th.

My conjunction was 2 years ago. I did powerful inner child work in therapy at that time. I found my inner child, it felt like I was adopting a very traumatized child, taking it in my life and learning to heal it. We talked in a meditative state of conscience, I learned I had an abandonment trauma, from early on.. I asked her to show me how it started and then I regressed in time. I saw myself as baby laying on a kitchen counter wearing only dipers, feeling cold and had a pain in my abdomen problably from crying so much. This baby was feeling utterly betrayed by the parents, like she had a compromise with them that they would take care of her, and they failed it. I was amazed that this tiny baby had such an expanded conscience of what was happening, it was so intense and spiritual. I cried alot, my body ached for days after this. By far the most intense experience in my life.

I remember the first time the therapist lead me to my inner child, and we talked, and then we said goodbye, he told me to tell her i would be back, and I did, and she didn't beleive me and was so sad I was leaving. :( She was right, I really didn't want to go back. It wasn't pretty. She was dirty, lifeless and greyish... When I gave her attention she began to shine.

Very soon after, I began to learn to love her fragility, her vulnerability which i had rejected in me since forever. Problably because of the traumatic experience I've told. I didn't like children either. All that was very blocked in me. As my "virtual" relationship with the child evolved she become so beautiful, and I become very aware of the need to protect myself more, and accept being here, incarnated. Accepting my mortality.

This process was pretty magical. there would be alot more to tell. I totally changed as a person. I began to love myself. I accepted the yin in me. And that's how I found once you love yourself, you love other people too. Automatically.

Also a week after this, I had a gastric (moon) bypass (pluto) which allowed me to loose over 100 pounds. If I hadn't accepted the yin in me, I would have a very hard time feeling ok in a smaller body. It was hard but magical and divine. It was extremely productive. I'd take pluto transits over saturns any day. =) So, don't be afraid of pluto. Think of the lotus flower. That grows in the mud, and then becomes such a beautiful pure white flower. don't be afraid of the dark. It will surprise you in a good way if you are willing to let go of illusions.

Who took the L out of lover?

More photos taken today. They're not meant to be very artistic. Check the summer archives for those. Winter isn't pretty in the islands. I'm not inspired. I'm just posting because people asked and I'm nice.
That's Pico island in the back. It still has some snow on the top.

I'm feeling sick from eating too much. There's a fruit here called araçais- you can google araçá or check last years winter archives for a photo - which i eat with milk and sugar. if i leave it in the milk for a litle while it becomes yougurt. i have no idea why, but it's delicious. and so i ate too much.

i'll survive. I wanted to translate something I got in one of those fw: emails. It says:

Did you know......
... that the people that spend alot of time protecting others are actually the ones that need more protection?


... that the people that keep others company and help them are actually the ones that need more company and help?

Fish versus crab

I found this comment written by a pluto-in-scorpio-generation pisces girl. I think she kicked ass writing this!
I've been known to defend pisces fiercely so I loved finding some other pisces doing it, and with added psychological insight from this powerful pluto in scorpio. This was in the context of comparing pisceans with cancerians.... :

"Cancer is the first water sign. Cardinal water, which means ambitious
feelings. Cancers are compulsively emotional. Piss them off, and u'll see how
fear turns into violence. ....

The problem with this sign is that they just cannot get over themselves.
Being part of the personal signs(Aries-Virgo), they see the world from the
inside. It's the "me and the rest of the world" philosophy that characterizes them.

That's why u'll see them bursting into tears more often than u'll see a fish doing it.

They're new in the water business, and have trouble holding the dam on their emotional waves. And since family is of paramount importance to them, they're the most likely to compromise of the water signs. They simply cannot picture life without spouse and kids.
Now, Pisces, on the other hand, are the most impersonal of signs. The fish
philosophy could be described as "I am the world and the world is in me". Of
course, this could degenerate into all sorts of unhealthy interpretations,
depending on the outer-neptunian influences in one's chart.

It's easy to see why Pisces is the most schizophrenia-prone of signs. After a few years of seeing and understanding everything, it's only a matter of time before questions will overwhelm u: what's real? what's right and wrong, good and bad? They all make sense, after all. U might be tempted to believe u have unlimited rights upon others, since u see things they don't, or other grave presumptions. All in all,
Pisces is death.The merging with something greater than one's self. That's why
they don't care about human ambitions. It's like Einstein, a famous fish said:
"All I want to know is God's thoughts. The rest is detail."

That's why Fish and Crabs have relatively little in common. Crabs see their family as the center of the universe, whereas Fish just wanna get the heck out of this world and into something that makes sense, and have little or no concern for human values, such as family, career, social duty etc., etc, and so on, and so forth.

The reason why they seem submissive and insecure? Well, it's easy. Life is short. And we all know leading a war on 2 fronts will kill u for sure. Pisceans are
battlefields from the day they are born. With a nuclear war going on inside of
u, u just cannot afford to launch another one with the outside. If it wouldn't
kill u, it would surely consume the little time u have on this Earth. And for
what? If u went to visit a friend's place and his dog would start barking at
you, trying to defend its territory, would u spend the rest of the evening
trying to explain to the dog u're right, or would u ignore it and go inside and
have a good time? "

I think this explains the transcendence os Pisces. I agree totally with what she says. I've said myself plenty of times : I have no tolerance for stress, I already have so much going on inside me to deal with, I need peace and quiet. i literally tune out around stressed people, i let them have their fun, but it is choice to be stressed over most stuff. Some people happily choose it. I do have a bit of contenpt for people who like stress. :P they're primates. hahaha this is my venus in cappy talking now.

This perspective makes alot of sense to me, viewing the signs in their order of evolution... in which aries are less evolved, and pisces the most evolved :P but of course this isn't like that in real life. there are a few exceptions.

Esoteric astrology sees cardinal signs as more evolved for example, followed by fixed signs.. then mutable. But then again. I have serious doubts about esoteric astrology not being a bunch of crap.

Thanks to Sandra for letting me copy paste her comment and thus further enlighten the world about us brilliant pisces. :)

Gymnopédie No.1

I did get a cold. Some fever too, but i'm better now. Just laying around, trying to not get worse.

I'm very bored, lonely and kinda depressed. I want to go back home.

This hasn't been a great week so far. I'm crying very easily lately, but i think it may be because i'm feverish. I get more emotional. Not sad, just emotional.

E.g. I saw something on tv today about kids living in institutions, and it was nice, they were happy, succeding in school and their goals. I got so emotional I cried. I was happy. It's nice to see people that go through so much hard stuff so soon in life and they move on and succeed, find love, and direction in life. Also if my bf says he misses me i get all teary. I'm getting teary right now. Lots of emotions. I'm like a pregnant woman. Emotional rolercoaster. It's interesting though. And healthy. To get a chance to welcome emotions whatever they are. That's something I didn't do for too long.

I'm a bit sad because I've lost connection with the people I grew up with, going off to school far away. I don't belong here anymore. This isn't new. But makes me sad.
It's not like i wish I was friendly with everyone. I don't have the energy for that, or the motivation, socializing is exausting sometimes.

... be back later.

"caccoa balls" recipe

This is a recipe I've always known, because my mother always made these. But i've never seen them anywhere else. Maybe she made up the recipe. The fact is it's delicious. Everyone loves them. My niece is undecided between them and the nanaimo bars. I'd say the latter are slightly better.

ingredients: milk, butter, sugar, pure coccoa powder (unsweetened), shredded coconut, old bread.

It's supposed to be crumbed bread, but I'm lazy so I break it into pieces with my hands. If you have a kitchen robot and can crumb it it will be easier later on.

First, put some milk on a pot. How much? Good question. maybe 2 cups, for 3 normal white breads. I don't use measures. Yeah, that poses a question on why I'm writing this recipe. I have no idea how to explain it.

Well, you melt the bread in the milk.. you can add the sugar and coccoa and about a spoon or 2 of real butter to the milk before adding the bread. it's maybe 3 or 4 spoons of sugar, maybe 3 or 4 of coccoa. depends on how you like it. stir that. and then add the bread crumbs, or pieces and stir it till there are no chunks of bread around, if you got the milk quantity right, it should be a sort of brown paste by now. You can add more caccoa now if you think it's not strong enough. Add coconut until it's a very thick paste. Let it get a bit colder, and then mold balls with this paste, like in the photo, and get some more coconut around each ball. and it's ready to eat! Kids love it. I do to!

ps- I think i got a cold. :(

alex the cat

This is the only photo I took today. this was my cat for almost 2 years I think. I gave him to a lady that lives in this house. And I went to visit him today, he recognized me and we played for a while. I'll see him again tomorrow.

No luck in the hegdehog search so far :/

PS. see a tree lying down in the background? that was the wind last night. My car almost flew off the road a few times today. really windy here.

I'm babysitting my 5 years old niece today. so i have to go cook something I promissed her. I'm tired and freezing.

winter in the island

I just arrived at Azores today. The weather is a mix of tropical rain with hail. lots of it. Haven't seen it in years here.

I didn't sleep today, because i had to get up at 6 am to be at the airport.. i'm totally exausted, ready to pass out.

hope to look for a baby hedgehog these days. that would cheer me up. the ones born in late summer usually don't make it through winter, too small to hibernate. I'd love to find one again.

In the summer at night, there are loads of them in the road, usually dead already :/ they are really cute and sweet. if i find a baby i might try taking it back home in the airplane. might pass as a hamster :P it's forbidden to have them as pets. they're are a protected species in europe. in germany people are allowed to pet them through the winter. but I doubt the guards at the local airport would know anything about that. they sleep all day, just like hamsters, and the babys are the same size and colour. It's doable. I'll try it if I find another baby. But after today's cold weather I hope they aren't dying as I type... I need to chill. I'll be back soon.