Today's regression experience

I did a regression that I found on Brian Weiss youtube channel TheOmegaInstitute, and it takes to a memory of childhood, then to in utero, then a past life. My childhood memory was of being 3 or 4 years old in my childhood home, exploring outside of the house, by myself, maybe for the first time, I was scared when a car went by me too fast for that road, and I felt alone. A sense of the unknown, exploring the world, alone. In the in utero experience, I felt peaceful and opened, interested. When it came time for the birth I very suddenly started crying very loud, feeling very scared, I eventually found some comfort in the idea of my parents being there for me, to hold me. But it was hard to move on from how disturbing that experience was and to find a bit of comfort in someone else being there to protect me and love me. In the past life experience, my first feeling was of being someone very tall and thin, male, wearing strap sandals, caucasian, I lived away from the village in a small simple cabin a short walk away from a river. I had family in the village. When it came to going to an important time in that lifetime, i think it was the event of someone's death, someone I was connected too, but i didn't feel any sadness or any feelings at all. The traditions were very different, maybe this was in Asia, things look different, it's not a coffin. Most people wear white only. I don't know what year it is, there is no technology at all, it's all very simple and natural. My two sisters were there, as villagers, and I think we were connected by our relationship to the person that had died. there were no emotions about anything. The moment of death must have been peaceful, i just had the impression of being in a organized row of people on the ground, maybe in hospital beds, no feelings or emotions at all about any of those experiences. The life seemed very peaceful, if bland. I found it interesting that there was a sort of a pattern in all the memories that came to me, in all of them I was either alone or feeling alone, and exploring the world on my own. connection with others was rare and didn't come naturally. In the past life I think i might have been a loner, maybe a monk, but not so officially so, someone interested in intellectual and spiritual pursuits and avoiding human contact and strong emotions, a sort of buddhist. When asked if i recognized people around me, there was a sense of "people? oh, maybe, away in the village there are people, and I am connected officially to some of them". Unfortunately i didn't get any messages about the meaning of that life, or lessons. But i can absolutely see how those experiences and feelings are a part of me. My aquarius rising, detached emotionally, hating drama, south node in house 1 in pisces, my past lives would have been spiritual, but lonely, focused on me, and exploring on my own, pioneering my own spirituality. Very interesting stuff. Thank u Brian Weiss! This totally reminds me why i'm fascinated about past life regression.

Deconversion

I found this video series / documentary today and it is Amazing. If you are or have gone through christian de-conversion, the process of losing faith, you should watch this. If you don't understand why someone would convert at all, you should watch it too, it will give you good answers.

Integrity

There's a girl on youtube that I follow (CosmicExpansion) she started as a beauty guru and then she went to India on a spiritual search and now she makes videos about things she learned there. She talked about 4 concepts that people should try to follow, and one of them stuck with me, I tried to memorize it and this is what I remember from it: the principle of integrity means following through with whatever you say. Both to others and to yourself. If you tell someone you will meet them at 8, then meet them at 8. If you make a new years resolution to stop smoking, than make sure you do it. If something changes, than let the other person know, or yourself , whichever the case, about the change. Following this principle is supposed to increase self esteem. And it just makes so much sense! You need to trust yourself, be worthy of trust. This is one of only 4 principles that are considered most important. I love it.

Applying The 4 questions

Wow, it's been a while! A few years. 

But enough about that. 
Have you heard of Byron Katie? The Work? She came up with this very simple way of testing your perspective on a problem before you actually let yourself feel affected by it.... And I've been intrigued to try it. 

These are the questions she suggests someone poses to a stressful thought: 
1)Is it true?
2)Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3) How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4) Who would you be without that thought?

So, I will pick on of my stressful thoughts and test it. For years I have been feeling unwelcomed by a relative. She asks a lot if I plan on moving away, and I feel she doesn't like me in general, even though she tries to hide it. I never confronted her about that. I don't usually confront people, unless I know them intimately and have to relate to them daily, which isn't the case here. We see each other maybe two or three times per year, in family occasions. So, is it true? I think it is true. I have theories about why it happens.
Can I absolutely know that it's true? No. - This question is important. Why waste energy, time, life, thinking , worrying, feeling bad about something that you don't know for sure is true. This makes me realize the importance of being assertive. Assertiveness feels confrontational to me. In any situation. It takes me a while to digest assertiveness. When I do digest it, I appreciate it, because it's so healthy and sane. But it always feels violent at first, so I'm not assertive. I haven't been an assertive person. Maybe I will be more assertive because of this question. I really don't want to feel as bad as I have over something that I may not be true. It's a horrible idea.
3) How do I react, what happens when I believe that thought? I feel unwelcomed, inadequate, rejected, I feel it's unfair. It's interesting that I feel it's unfair. Doesn't she have the right to not like me or want me around her family? I feel that she would have that right if I was anything but pleasant and unassuming, and I try extremely hard to be good, to add to people's lives and to fit in without bugging anyone. And ironically that is probably what her problem is with me. But it still feels unfair, because that was me trying. So that's how that feels.
4) What would I be without that thought? I would feel freer, accepted, cozy.

Well, the lesson in this particular problem is to be assertive, I think that's would would have prevented this.

There are other types of problems that would be cool to try this approach on.
My first reaction to The Work was that it seems to make many assumptions, people need to make certain assumptions for the questions to make sense, especially in what seems to be the next part of The Work, where people turn the situation around, and whatever they were feeling about the other person they say it about themselves. It makes assumptions that by turning the situation around, you will find reality. And I don't understand that concept. I guess it's exactly the quote I posted below "The external is the internal projected" ? I would like to hear more about that. Maybe I should buy the book. But it seems to work and bring insights... I want to do that with other situations in the future.Here, in writing, where I can keep better track of my thoughts. Is there anyone out there reading this? If you are, Hi and welcome. I hope this made sense to anyone else.

The little Prince

An extract from Le Petit Prince, by Antoine Exupery:
....

It was then that the fox appeared.

“Good morning,” said the fox.

“Good morning,” the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.

“I am right here,” the voice said, “under the apple tree.”

“Who are you?” asked the little prince, and added, “You are very pretty to look at.”

“I am a fox,” the fox said.

“Come and play with me,” proposed the little prince. “I am so unhappy.”

“I cannot play with you,” the fox said. “I am not tamed.”

“Ah! Please excuse me,” said the little prince.

But, after some thought, he added:

“What does that mean–’tame’?”

“You do not live here,” said the fox. “What is it that you are looking for?”

“I am looking for men,” said the little prince. “What does that mean–’tame’?”

“Men,” said the fox. “They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?”

“No,” said the little prince. “I am looking for friends. What does that mean–’tame’?”

“It is an act too often neglected,” said the fox. It means to establish ties.”

“‘To establish ties’?”

“Just that,” said the fox. “To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . .”

“I am beginning to understand,” said the little prince. “There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . .”

“It is possible,” said the fox. “On the Earth one sees all sorts of things.”

“Oh, but this is not on the Earth!” said the little prince.

The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.

“On another planet?”

“Yes.”

“Are there hunters on that planet?”

“No.”

“Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?”

“No.”

“Nothing is perfect,” sighed the fox.

But he came back to his idea.

“My life is very monotonous,” the fox said. “I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . .”

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

“Please–tame me!” he said.

“I want to, very much,” the little prince replied. “But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand.”

“One only understands the things that one tames,” said the fox. “Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . .”

“What must I do, to tame you?” asked the little prince.

“You must be very patient,” replied the fox. “First you will sit down at a little distance from me–like that–in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . .”

The next day the little prince came back.

“It would have been better to come back at the same hour,” said the fox. “If, for example, you come at four o’clock in the afternoon, then at three o’clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o’clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . .”

“What is a rite?” asked the little prince.

“Those also are actions too often neglected,” said the fox. “They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all.”
So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near–

“Ah,” said the fox, “I shall cry.”

“It is your own fault,” said the little prince. “I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . .”

“Yes, that is so,” said the fox.

“But now you are going to cry!” said the little prince.

“Yes, that is so,” said the fox.

“Then it has done you no good at all!”

“It has done me good,” said the fox, “because of the color of the wheat fields.” And then he added:

“Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret.”

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

“You are not at all like my rose,” he said. “As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world.”

And the roses were very much embarassed.

“You are beautiful, but you are empty,” he went on. “One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you–the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.

And he went back to meet the fox.

“Goodbye,” he said.

“Goodbye,” said the fox. “And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

“What is essential is invisible to the eye,” the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

“It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.”

“It is the time I have wasted for my rose–” said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

“Men have forgotten this truth,” said the fox. “But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . .”

“I am responsible for my rose,” the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember…

christmas deco + new mirror

Updated pics of my living room! Theres a mirror above the fireplace now. a black velvet cover over the coffee table we are using as entertainment center, a new plant...oh, and a christmas tree!


oh, and a chalk board on the hall, where ken and I leave messages, or shopping lists or drawings, or quotes.. =)

all those doors are: one closet, another closet with a big water heater, the two big doors are the laundry "room" and next door is kens room and his bathroom inside it. the other side is my (and main) bathroom and then my room. The cute baby in pink is Evy!

Monterey pics + my new hair color

Seals!

Clam chowder

Sweet Potato Pie

Thanks to Mandy for the recipe! Its the best pie I've ever had.

2 cups sweet potato

1 stick melted butter

1/2 cup sugar

1 can sweetened condensed milk

3 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

¼ tsp nutmeg

¾ tsp cinnamon

-boil sweet potatoes until soft, let cool remove skin, mash.
-combine all ingredients
-makes 2 pies
-bake at 350-375 for 30-35 min

Bakes inside one of those frozen pie crusts you can get anywhere. I haven't done it yet. need to go get some ingredients. its highly addictive.

Outside and in

Prima e outros curiosos, esta eh a vista para fora de casa. Nao eh bem no meio duma floresta. por acaso fica a um quarteirao da avenida onde tudo acontece -Blackstone. Mas eh muito sossegado. Aqui eh um complexo de apartamentos como se ve na foto, mas fora sao casinhas lindas com arvores, que agora estao coloridas amarelo, vermelho... No dia da foto choveu, o dia estava cinzento, mas eh rarissimo. Tem estado briol mas sempre sol.
Sim, eh um pentagrama na cortina. O meu housemate eh um sacerdote pagao, nos tempos livres. Meet Ken...


Kens pride and joy is his hair, which I braided for him. He is awesome. Stellium em sagitario na casa 12. lua em scorpio.Belo mix. Conheci-o em Julho, quando andava a procura de pessoas com interesses em astrologia e afins. O primeiro encontro foi na Revue, o meu hang out preferido em fresno, foi um nico desconfortavel como tds os primeiros encontros, com algumas moscas a chatear. Nunca imaginamos que estariamos a viver na mm casa 3 meses depois. A vida dah voltas. E aqui estou eu em grande plano na TV do Ken. O video do youtube. =)

Free Hugs in Lisbon

Danse des lutins - FULL VERSION

kitchen and my bedroom!

:D :D :D I love that the windows have upclose views of trees!Besides the ocean I couldn't ask for a better view.