Thursday, June 11, 2009

Happiness obsession

I hope Bruno and Devil Mood give me permission to copy paste their comments to the last post:

Bruno said...

Hi babe! I think being happy can have multiple setups but generally it depends on two things:

1. Having a purpose for your life.

Most people have a purpose like having kids, others to fulfill professional objectives or reach certain goals, others to help / service the community, etc.
So the first thing to do is to figure out what purpose you want to give to your life.

2. Being Yourself and growing inside

Many people live to create a superficial image to show to others and even though they might seem happy, they are actually miserable inside and can't stand being alone.

When we are ourselves most of the time, we tend to feel security. Our concepts our ideals they should all come from within and not from other sources. Only then we are truly ourselves.

Finding someone to share your life for example relies a lot in the ability of being able to be yourself with the other person. I had the luck of experiencing such feeling and swore never to forget it so I can recognize it when I find the right person.

Being ourselves also protects us from external negativity and social pressure. It means we have a mind of our own and stick with our beliefs.

Do realize that even though being ourselves is great, we have to be open to change into growing and improving our ideals & concepts.
Sticking with our beliefs is fine but not if the behavior ends up to be self-destructive.

I learned to avoid self-destructivity and try to improve myself solely based on that concept.
This means when I feel like reacting negative, remind myself to stop and think "Is there a better way to react? How?" and then react the better way. This greatly improved my relationship with others and my professional attitude.

As a general rule, any negative emotional reaction is bad. Sometimes I feel revolted about unfair things and just feel like blowing but at the same time know it won't take me anywhere good neither it is a good way to react.
Lack of self-control is a weakness.

I hope my ramblings enlighten you.


Blogger Devil Mood said...

It can be a constant struggle for some people, while it seems to come naturally for the rest of them.
Anyway, happiness is an american obsession. Obviously everyone wants to be happy or to feel good, at least, but the obsessive pursuit of happiness is not the way to go, I believe.
I was reading a book about that but I gave it up..haha ;)

Blogger Bruno said...

Yep being obsessive about it is not a good thing either.

Well... being obsessive about anything too I guess... :)

I think most people only find up to a certain level of happiness.

If you focus on following a constructive path in your life, you should find happiness somewhere along the way. Or shall I say... it should find you!

Me: Hi Bruno, i'm trying to figure out if I know you or not, can u give me a clue? Thank you for your input. Devil mood (((hugz)))

I think maybe happiness has different meanings for people. I have this intuitive theory that fire signs are naturally happy. and by happy I mean they are ALIVE. everything they do has alot of life. They're Here. They're enjoying being here.
And it seems to be as natural as breathing. Its just a theory. I dont really know alot of fire signs deeply. The ones i know have actually been depressed at times, but when not, they're back to being the way i described.

For a Pisces like me, that doesn't happen. At ALL. Being on earth at least half the time feels wrong and uncomfortable. and weird, unfamiliar. some rare moments it feels good, when im allowed to be oblivious and free and comfortable physically, then i'm able to be in a different place in spirit. So, its not about being obsessed about being in an ideal state of perfectness. By happy i mean satisfied, content, alive enough to function in a way that doesn't bring other people down. Its much more of a practical thing. If u have to be incarnated, its very practical to be a somewhat happy person, stable. I'm not too stable, I'm fighting to keep sanity and control of basic stuff, mainly in relationships with others, that's the area that hurts the most.

The ways to have a fulfilled life certainly have to do with goals, as Bruno pointed out. At least for most people it does. I think Buddhists say its the other way around though, having no wishes is the best way to not be disappointed. But I think for me, at my level of conscience, it works to have goals, to keep me motivated, like the donkey that walks to get the carrot in front of his nose..( i think this is a reference to "dom quixote")

Anyway. Its a practical matter as well as a philosophical point. I've heard and seen many times in my life that poor people are happiest. Except in countries with big extremes of poverty and richness, like the US and big cities in Brazil, there the poor can be angry and revolted because they see closely what they are missing. That keeps them from being grateful for what they have, and that's what was happening to me, not being grateful. And there's where lies the choice to be happy or not.
Happy people are grateful and they appreciate little things.

The other point Bruno made was about being yourself. It reminds me of Carl rogers idea of being congruent as a basis of healthy psyche. I've always agreed with him, even though some people say its too naive. I have no doubt that my peace of mind and self esteem depend on being true to myself, and once you give up on it you're lost, living a lie, totally disconnected from yourself. And that's how most people live. Some people have social masks which they live intensely, and then are able to go back to being their true self with people they trust, I imagine, I can't really do that. Not enough social intelligence. not enough cynicism, and not enough motivation to do it. I don't understand those people at all, they scare me, to be honest. Not saying they are bad people, at all, just different essence and history.

I'm sleepy and tired. I had morning insomnia all of last week. waking up at 5 am feeling fine. Now that i'm back to sleeping i feel really tired. think i might be getting sick. So I hope this post made sense, I'm not editing it much, as i usually do. Need to go to bed. Thank u for commenting!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Being grateful

I was laying on the couch... after another works day, feeling bored and like life doesn't make a whole lot of sense...
I decided to get my butt of the couch and of the house and go for a stroll on my bike. Going around the corner i saw a 2 year old boy running naked and his mom after him, i smiled. The boredom started to lift a bit. I started realizing I don't feel happiness. And i started to wonder why. I finally have everything i need to be happy, dont I?
I am confortable with my body, my weight, after a life long struggle with that. I am able to live by myself in a nice place, able to ride a bike in a beautiful place, with nice houses and lovely trees... the temperature is perfect.. I see cats laying around on the grass... I start feeling better. more relaxed. I start to worry that if I cant feel totally happy right now, i never will. I am sure of that. Then i realize / remember the secret to happiness is to be grateful for things. Its all about perspective.
I start singing "give thanks with a grateful heart" as i stroll in the bike... -"wish i had a nice voice.. wish i could actually sing... then i'd be happier much easier. ugh, back to being thankful for the good things.." - I start giving thanks for the nice weather, the bike, my healthy body, for cats, for birds i see, for my blond arm hairs... for the trees...etc. I realize i will never be happy by having material things, if thats all there is in my life. I need to learn to be happy. This insight has been building up in the last days. And it was a bit scary to realize it because for a few minutes it seemed it was out of my control to be happy or not. I felt alot better after doing this exercise of gratefulness.As I strolled around looking at the houses, sometimes glimpsing people inside them doing whatever, or watering their lawns, i wondered if they are happy, and I wondered if i would be happy having that life, by that i just mean having their house which is all i know about how their life is. No, I wouldnt, i realized. If that's all i had, i'd be even emptier, i'd be desilusioned and farther away from it. I wonder if u understand what im talking about. I think people that have dreams and wants are the happiest. I guess its because once u get it, it soon looses its power to make u happy.
I asked myself how do other people do it. how are they happy? they have famillies, was what came to mind imediatly. they have kids. and I pondered on that notion... kids are happy. u can be happy for them. happy for making them happy. happy to ignore your saturn, your "age", your lack of life outside of them. thats a totally valid thing to do. it really is. life is what you put your mind to think/see it is. There's saturn, but theres also jupiter, sun, etc, they are all part of life. none more valid than the other.
I think i would be happy if i was able to have friends over at my house alot, and being involved in my community.
I'm happy when im making other people happy. When they enjoy the food i make and being in my house. Happy when i have puppies and sometimes cats. Happy around beauty. Happy when i'm growing and learning, becoming better.
I'll keep working on it...