Friday, December 28, 2007

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Pluto moon conjunction

I thought it might be worth copying here a text I wrote on, someone asked about experiences with pluto-moon conjunction. This transits happens once every 2 hundred and some years, so lots of people never go throught it in their lifetime. I did, 2 years ago. Here's how it was.

For me it was a clear rebirth of the Feminin, accepting the yin in me. I also have moon conj neptune in the 11th, sextile natal pluto in the 8th.

My conjunction was 2 years ago. I did powerful inner child work in therapy at that time. I found my inner child, it felt like I was adopting a very traumatized child, taking it in my life and learning to heal it. We talked in a meditative state of conscience, I learned I had an abandonment trauma, from early on.. I asked her to show me how it started and then I regressed in time. I saw myself as baby laying on a kitchen counter wearing only dipers, feeling cold and had a pain in my abdomen problably from crying so much. This baby was feeling utterly betrayed by the parents, like she had a compromise with them that they would take care of her, and they failed it. I was amazed that this tiny baby had such an expanded conscience of what was happening, it was so intense and spiritual. I cried alot, my body ached for days after this. By far the most intense experience in my life.

I remember the first time the therapist lead me to my inner child, and we talked, and then we said goodbye, he told me to tell her i would be back, and I did, and she didn't beleive me and was so sad I was leaving. :( She was right, I really didn't want to go back. It wasn't pretty. She was dirty, lifeless and greyish... When I gave her attention she began to shine.

Very soon after, I began to learn to love her fragility, her vulnerability which i had rejected in me since forever. Problably because of the traumatic experience I've told. I didn't like children either. All that was very blocked in me. As my "virtual" relationship with the child evolved she become so beautiful, and I become very aware of the need to protect myself more, and accept being here, incarnated. Accepting my mortality.

This process was pretty magical. there would be alot more to tell. I totally changed as a person. I began to love myself. I accepted the yin in me. And that's how I found once you love yourself, you love other people too. Automatically.

Also a week after this, I had a gastric (moon) bypass (pluto) which allowed me to loose over 100 pounds. If I hadn't accepted the yin in me, I would have a very hard time feeling ok in a smaller body. It was hard but magical and divine. It was extremely productive. I'd take pluto transits over saturns any day. =) So, don't be afraid of pluto. Think of the lotus flower. That grows in the mud, and then becomes such a beautiful pure white flower. don't be afraid of the dark. It will surprise you in a good way if you are willing to let go of illusions.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Who took the L out of lover?

More photos taken today. They're not meant to be very artistic. Check the summer archives for those. Winter isn't pretty in the islands. I'm not inspired. I'm just posting because people asked and I'm nice.
That's Pico island in the back. It still has some snow on the top.

I'm feeling sick from eating too much. There's a fruit here called araçais- you can google araçá or check last years winter archives for a photo - which i eat with milk and sugar. if i leave it in the milk for a litle while it becomes yougurt. i have no idea why, but it's delicious. and so i ate too much.

i'll survive. I wanted to translate something I got in one of those fw: emails. It says:

Did you know......
... that the people that spend alot of time protecting others are actually the ones that need more protection?

... that the people that keep others company and help them are actually the ones that need more company and help?

Fish versus crab

I found this comment written by a pluto-in-scorpio-generation pisces girl. I think she kicked ass writing this!
I've been known to defend pisces fiercely so I loved finding some other pisces doing it, and with added psychological insight from this powerful pluto in scorpio. This was in the context of comparing pisceans with cancerians.... :

"Cancer is the first water sign. Cardinal water, which means ambitious
feelings. Cancers are compulsively emotional. Piss them off, and u'll see how
fear turns into violence. ....

The problem with this sign is that they just cannot get over themselves.
Being part of the personal signs(Aries-Virgo), they see the world from the
inside. It's the "me and the rest of the world" philosophy that characterizes them.

That's why u'll see them bursting into tears more often than u'll see a fish doing it.

They're new in the water business, and have trouble holding the dam on their emotional waves. And since family is of paramount importance to them, they're the most likely to compromise of the water signs. They simply cannot picture life without spouse and kids.
Now, Pisces, on the other hand, are the most impersonal of signs. The fish
philosophy could be described as "I am the world and the world is in me". Of
course, this could degenerate into all sorts of unhealthy interpretations,
depending on the outer-neptunian influences in one's chart.

It's easy to see why Pisces is the most schizophrenia-prone of signs. After a few years of seeing and understanding everything, it's only a matter of time before questions will overwhelm u: what's real? what's right and wrong, good and bad? They all make sense, after all. U might be tempted to believe u have unlimited rights upon others, since u see things they don't, or other grave presumptions. All in all,
Pisces is death.The merging with something greater than one's self. That's why
they don't care about human ambitions. It's like Einstein, a famous fish said:
"All I want to know is God's thoughts. The rest is detail."

That's why Fish and Crabs have relatively little in common. Crabs see their family as the center of the universe, whereas Fish just wanna get the heck out of this world and into something that makes sense, and have little or no concern for human values, such as family, career, social duty etc., etc, and so on, and so forth.

The reason why they seem submissive and insecure? Well, it's easy. Life is short. And we all know leading a war on 2 fronts will kill u for sure. Pisceans are
battlefields from the day they are born. With a nuclear war going on inside of
u, u just cannot afford to launch another one with the outside. If it wouldn't
kill u, it would surely consume the little time u have on this Earth. And for
what? If u went to visit a friend's place and his dog would start barking at
you, trying to defend its territory, would u spend the rest of the evening
trying to explain to the dog u're right, or would u ignore it and go inside and
have a good time? "

I think this explains the transcendence os Pisces. I agree totally with what she says. I've said myself plenty of times : I have no tolerance for stress, I already have so much going on inside me to deal with, I need peace and quiet. i literally tune out around stressed people, i let them have their fun, but it is choice to be stressed over most stuff. Some people happily choose it. I do have a bit of contenpt for people who like stress. :P they're primates. hahaha this is my venus in cappy talking now.

This perspective makes alot of sense to me, viewing the signs in their order of evolution... in which aries are less evolved, and pisces the most evolved :P but of course this isn't like that in real life. there are a few exceptions.

Esoteric astrology sees cardinal signs as more evolved for example, followed by fixed signs.. then mutable. But then again. I have serious doubts about esoteric astrology not being a bunch of crap.

Thanks to Sandra for letting me copy paste her comment and thus further enlighten the world about us brilliant pisces. :)

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Gymnopédie No.1

I did get a cold. Some fever too, but i'm better now. Just laying around, trying to not get worse.

I'm very bored, lonely and kinda depressed. I want to go back home.
This hasn't been a great week so far. I'm crying very easily lately, but i think it may be because i'm feverish. I get more emotional. Not sad, just emotional.
E.g. I saw something on tv today about kids living in institutions, and it was nice, they were happy, succeding in school and their goals. I got so emotional I cried. I was happy. It's nice to see people that go through so much hard stuff so soon in life and they move on and succeed, find love, and direction in life. Also if my bf says he misses me i get all teary. I'm getting teary right now. Lots of emotions. I'm like a pregnant woman. Emotional rolercoaster. It's interesting though. And healthy. To get a chance to welcome emotions whatever they are. That's something I didn't do for too long.
I'm a bit sad because I've lost connection with the people I grew up with, going off to school far away. I don't belong here anymore. This isn't new. But makes me sad.
It's not like i wish I was friendly with everyone. I don't have the energy for that, or the motivation, socializing is exausting sometimes.
... be back later.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

"caccoa balls" recipe

This is a recipe I've always known, because my mother always made these. But i've never seen them anywhere else. Maybe she made up the recipe. The fact is it's delicious. Everyone loves them. My niece is undecided between them and the nanaimo bars. I'd say the latter are slightly better.
ingredients: milk, butter, sugar, pure coccoa powder (unsweetened), shredded coconut, old bread.
It's supposed to be crumbed bread, but I'm lazy so I break it into pieces with my hands. If you have a kitchen robot and can crumb it it will be easier later on.
First, put some milk on a pot. How much? Good question. maybe 2 cups, for 3 normal white breads. I don't use measures. Yeah, that poses a question on why I'm writing this recipe. I have no idea how to explain it.
Well, you melt the bread in the milk.. you can add the sugar and coccoa and about a spoon or 2 of real butter to the milk before adding the bread. it's maybe 3 or 4 spoons of sugar, maybe 3 or 4 of coccoa. depends on how you like it. stir that. and then add the bread crumbs, or pieces and stir it till there are no chunks of bread around, if you got the milk quantity right, it should be a sort of brown paste by now. You can add more caccoa now if you think it's not strong enough. Add coconut until it's a very thick paste. Let it get a bit colder, and then mold balls with this paste, like in the photo, and get some more coconut around each ball. and it's ready to eat! Kids love it. I do to!
ps- I think i got a cold. :(

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

alex the cat

This is the only photo I took today. this was my cat for almost 2 years I think. I gave him to a lady that lives in this house. And I went to visit him today, he recognized me and we played for a while. I'll see him again tomorrow.
No luck in the hegdehog search so far :/
PS. see a tree lying down in the background? that was the wind last night. My car almost flew off the road a few times today. really windy here.
I'm babysitting my 5 years old niece today. so i have to go cook something I promissed her. I'm tired and freezing.

Monday, December 17, 2007

winter in the island

I just arrived at Azores today. The weather is a mix of tropical rain with hail. lots of it. Haven't seen it in years here.
I didn't sleep today, because i had to get up at 6 am to be at the airport.. i'm totally exausted, ready to pass out.
hope to look for a baby hedgehog these days. that would cheer me up. the ones born in late summer usually don't make it through winter, too small to hibernate. I'd love to find one again.
In the summer at night, there are loads of them in the road, usually dead already :/ they are really cute and sweet. if i find a baby i might try taking it back home in the airplane. might pass as a hamster :P it's forbidden to have them as pets. they're are a protected species in europe. in germany people are allowed to pet them through the winter. but I doubt the guards at the local airport would know anything about that. they sleep all day, just like hamsters, and the babys are the same size and colour. It's doable. I'll try it if I find another baby. But after today's cold weather I hope they aren't dying as I type... I need to chill. I'll be back soon.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

comment on comment :)

I got some feedback! :) Weee!

Devil Mood wrote:
You have a point about the buddist attitude. I found
myself thinking about their search for peace at all costs many times and
thinking either that it was GREAT, or that it was just not how it should be
done.At least psychologicaly, it can't be good to bottle everything up, can it?
I mean, I know they don't bottle, they transcend...but transcending isn't human.
It's Pisces (sorry, bad joke hehe) If everyone was Buddist and tried to
transcend we'd still be living in caves and hunting, do you realize?

The buddhist perspective is helpful to a degree. I think it's very useful to the western materialists who are excessively incarnated, are too stressed and without a real understanding of their spiritual dimension. As Nuno M. puts it "we've killed a God that we need and replaced it with half a brain" thus leading to where we are as a western culture. People are too inmeshed in their own little problems, their belly button is the center of their world, and it's so easy to be overwhelmed living like this when you're so inside things. Things which are maya = the illusion of forms.
If you try to understand a painting that is too close to your eyes, all you perceive is a blur. On the other hand, if you are on top of a mountain looking down, it's very easy to see the roads, figure a way out of the labiryinth. Detaching and knowing you are an eternal spirit on an earthly journey gives us the right perspective which is somewhat detached from the illusion that the forms are as real as we are, to the point that they could affect us, kill us (our bodies and souls), this is the Illusion that keeps people from being at peace and etc.

But other then that it can sound very extreme. The idea we shouldn't be attached to anything at all. And not suffer or feel any extreme feelings at all....

Someone said that we have to incarnate because God didn't figure out any other way to teach us something (don't remember what the exact thing was unfortunatly, but it is implied next ->) . Only when we are confronted with the tension of a polarized reality is when we have the chance to create, make something new. Be alchemysts. Be God. Make choices, create harmony from conflict. So it is important to be here. instead of just meditating on a monastery and pretending we're not here, life is not happening.

This extreme position problably has a role to play. It seems to suit some people. But I think most use it as an escape from themselves problably. To burry their turmoils. To refuse incarnation. Not the buddhists from the orient, I have a feeling they are spiritualy mature enough to have figured how to balance both spiritual and material dimensions. But westerners. new agers have this problem. And problably some of the message of the orient has been lost in translation, westerners can't be expected to do any better if that's the case. We'd do well to keep to our own religious traditions perhaps. I think we don't because we have emotionally and intelectually developed some aversion to it. Another bad consequence of attachment. The orient seems pretty cool to me. But it is a hugely different culture that would take a lifetime for us to understand. The translation problems are inevitable. Plus they're not always too keen on letting westerners learn about they're culture, as people who have learned Reiki might have heard. And they are right......I feel divided thinking this. because i understand both sides. orientals being aware westerners will mess it up because they don't have the ability to really understand what they're about, on the other side, westerners being fascinated by oriental wisdom and being so tired of their own spiritual traditions, having had a too personal bad experience with it most times. Even when orientals want to teach, like the Dalai Lama, it's still hard to translate a culture. Especially to new agers.... which are very eager but not very willing to dig deep, too used to instant and superficial things. These are mostly wounded and tired people looking for (instant) illumination. I don't blame them, but all this doesn't amount to a great situation in the spiritual scene these days. I won't get into that. I think I embody new agers, totally, I empathize and I understand we are expressing a phase in the spiritual evolution of society. I honestly don't see a better way to do this then to be a new ager. Which I could define as someone opened to new ways of thinking, curious, spiritualy famished, and not used to old, ancient cultures and languages, making them not too aware of the context of things and they're full meaning. But it is this openness, and inherent confusion, that will lead to whatever good will come in the future. It's the age of Aquarius. Aquarius is co ruled by saturn. That's what's lacking in us new(uranus) agers (saturn). :)
structure...discernment, that only comes from wisdom and experience. This is too new yet.

Spirituality can be an escape just as drugs and alcohol are, if that's what you want it to be. Depends on what people look for. Truth/direction/purpose or easy escape/instant confort/glamour goals. Don't want to use "ego goals", as that makes ego sound like a bad thing and I don't think it is at all. Having an ego is being incarnated. As I've been mentioning in these lasts posts and comments to posts, this is something I think I need to learn in this lifetime, to be here, be incarnated, be here in body mind and emotions. feel things. react to them. have boundaries. So I have alot of respect for people that do this well.

Doing this well is the basis for a healthy/solid personality structure. I notice lots of saturn words here :) boundaries, structure, respect, learning. Definatly being incarnated is about being saturnized.

The following is is from

"When Mind and Body are combined, they form the cross of matter"

Both jupiter and saturn have this cross and have the curve that symbolyzes the soul. But jupiter has the soul on top of the cross, and saturn has the cross on top of the soul:

"The symbols for the next pair of planets, Jupiter and Saturn, concern the
relationship between the soul and body. With Jupiter, the soul is elevated
over the cross of matter, signifying the importance of finding a meaningful
connection (soul), ‘something to live for’ in the manifest world. Jupiter
frees the soul from the dominance of matter. With Saturn, the cross of
matter is elevated over the soul, signifying that the soul’s yearnings must
be given shape and form within the limitations of existence in time and
Being incarnated is partly about being limited in time and space.
The symbols are really fascinating, aren't they?

Symbols are complicated things since, as Jung observed, they can never be
fully interpreted - they can only be experienced. Symbols transcend the
split between the rational and the irrational, the known and the unknown.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

"Water can fLow, water can crash, be Like water, my friend " - Bruce Lee

Dear blog,
I don't have much to say. I could use someone to chat now.
I miss intelectual stimulus. I got some from all these videos I've been posting lately.
I made stupid O'reilly my pet peeve this week. He's a great pet peeve. He's a caricature of a bad plutonian, when pluto people aren't smart or sensitive they act like him.
I take some solace knowing there are smart sane people in the world, facing people like him.
I guess he's my shadow, if he gets to me this much. It's conforting to watch him over and over and figure his M.O. , because there are too many people in the world like that. I've known my share of them and I tend to just keep away from them, or if that isn't possible, let them beleive they are getting they're way. I transcend things too involuntarily to be able to get into ego fights like they do. But I wish I didn't sometimes. Because it is a real thing. There is alot of power getting thrown around, and ending up in the wrong hands due to it. So I live vicariously through this videos of people kicking o'rilley's ass. Poor devil.
The importance of the polarized vision of the world is sometimes underrated by buddhists and new age people. Sometimes the best thing to do is to be incarnated and live things totally, get mad, explode, tell people what we think and feel about what they do and say. If you just transcend, you'll feel at peace, feel slighty like a martyr, but that's such a well known feeling by now, and then misunderstandings happen, because you don't comunicate. People don't know who u are, they don't know where u stand, they just project whatever crap they have inside onto you because you do such a great job being a hollow mirror to whatever reality is at the moment. You adapt to everything. But it does hurt alot. to have people not understand you at all, project crap in to you and you have no idea how to defend yourself because you never practised it before. And then u feel alone and depressed. This is the life of a mutable, transcendent person (A pisces, in other words). Some people are too much the other way around. Both extremes are bad.

I'd like to talk about my saturn transits. Except they're not extremely insightful. It's a a saturn in the 7th, relationships... so that's my lesson in life these couple of years. I've found a stable relationship and am happy feeling attached. Feeling somewhat stuck, compromised. It feels doable now. I'm learning to not expect alot from people. And just expect my boyfriend to be the caring respectul sometimes loving person he is, in whatever spare time he has. I don't get intelectual stimulus in this relationship. He's pretty smart, it's just we don't think about similar things. I'm learning to be ok with that. That is the one thing that makes me passionate about someone though. But I can get that in other people. These are my saturnine thoughts. They're pretty benevolant I think, compared to what I expected. I am happy :) I get joy from his familly, i like being connected to them. I like the perspective of having a stable caring person beside me, even though part time, and partly invested. That how I feel things are. All the bad things in the relationship I understand why they are there! What they are trying to teach me. I guess this is the joy of having spent a life working on understanding the meaning of life. :) Now that i do, it bears fruit. Wonderful fruit. I feel prepared for this. So far. I dread falling in love with someone else though, and having to choose between that and what I have now. I feel like the old lady in Titanic, Rose, saying women hide many secrets... meaning her true passion. I feel I might very well become her. This isn't depressing to think though, it's pretty good. I am wise enough to choose stable real love over a fantasy passion. Long lasting love is a consequence of lots of work, patience, comunication, and just hanging on through things. Isn't that how we deal with life on our own? Why would love be so different, so magical all the time, like in fairy tales. That's not real. I beleive people can be passionate and in love, but I might never find that, and it's ok. I'm very thankful for what I have. It's more then I expected. And i'm learning about this everyday now.
I'll be having jupiter conjunct my venus in march. Loads of relationships, good ones, will come. I might have to live up to my words then. I know for sure I will have to face this choice love/routine vs passion/fantasy many times during life. This is what married people do, right? I'm a venus in capricorn trine saturn in the 7th. If I don't do it right, who will? :)

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Pisces-Tuesday, 12/11/2007

God bless Chris for saying this.

Monday, December 10, 2007

synchronicity, lack of

I love coincidences. They are supposed to be divine interventions. I beleive that. We don't always figure out why they happened, but most times we can and do.
I've been paying attention to syncronicities for a couple of years now, and it always makes me feel it's a God thing happening.
The problem is I haven't had that feeling of Godly orientation, divine order, for some time now. I thought it was a neptune transit... I'm in the fog. At a time where I need to make big decisions about my life.
But problably the point is to get into myself, meditate. and not look outside for orientation.
This is hard because I'm not a real meditator. I get distracted, bored, sleepy. Sometimes I do get orientation, but maybe 20% of times..

This would be a great time for an angel to show up in my room and tell me he has a message from God.... "This is what the God in you wants Viviana's life to be about, and here's how you do it: first blablabla..." That would be precious. I'm tired of subtle hints. I need more faith. And guts.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Recipe canadian squares

On a more mundane level, I'm now posting this recipe. It's a dessert. I know it's a canadian dessert, because the 2 women I saw doing this both had lived in Canada for many years. [post scriptum, it's now 2 days after I posted the text outside the [...] and thanks to Kashmiri, I now know these are called Nanaimo bars, after a city in Vancouver, how cool is that! I made some more again today, they're a hit]

I made this recipe today.

The ingredients: one and a half or two packs of cookies, a simple kind of cookie (Bolacha Maria for us in Portugal), a pack of butter (real butter) , 2 cans of condensed milk, 1 pack of shredded coconut, a bar of dark chocolate and 3 spoons of peanut butter.

-Shred the cookies into power... this can be tricky. I wrapped them on a kitcken towel and smacked it on the counter. some people may use a more intelligent approach... figure it out. It slip off my hand and went all over the kitchen, hahah. I then put the butter on a litle pan to melt the butter and then put the semi sliced cookies inside and smashed them with a wooden spoon. The result of that you spread on a ......hmm.. my kitchen vocaulary is short.. well, you spread it on a thing that you can get into the oven, a flat thing. :)
- Then get it into the oven for 10 minutes, It's supposed to make it more crunchy.
-Then mix the coconut and the condensed milk and put it over the cookie and butter mix.
- Then get that into the oven for more 10 minutes.
- Then melt the chocolate and peanut butter, with a bit of water, tiny bit of water, half a cup.
- put the chocolate mix on top of the other layers , let it cool a bit and get in into the refrigerator. about 2 hours later when it's cool, you can slide it in squares, of about 2 centimeters, and they're ready to eat!
this is one of the most delicious desserts I've had in my life. It's abnormaly caloric. :D You can deep fry the squares for extra calories hahaha. :)


PS- On top is a not very good picture of the squares. They are DELICIOUS! they should be cut a litle smaller then this.

Friday, December 07, 2007

(write title here)

I'm having a bit of a writers block these days. Not that there isn't anything to write about, on the contrary...
So, I think it all started with an astrology consultation I had last week...
Made me think alot. I learned about saturn. And I learned I need to find my center, my Sun. Align myself with my soul and figure what it is that I want. What's my dream. And then ask saturn how to make it happen. I had never though of saturn as my servent. And so this is shifting my world these days. I'm empowered.
I've been trying to get in touch with my dreams and needs. Funny enough unlike what I thought and the astrologer thought, I don't think my professional path will be mystical. I use the word mystical instead of spiritual, because I think everything we do can be spiritual, no matter how pragmatic it is. My life will always be on a spiritual point of view, because that's where my conscience level is at. But I might not be working with mystical things.
I'm uranian and neptunian, and plutonian. the transpersonal planets are the strongest in me. I'm an alien. Some people call people like me Star Seeds. And it makes total sense to me from what I've been reading. What I also figure, is that the more evolved you are the more you'll have the hability to fit in, to love. Instead of geting a kick from being different like uranian people do. Or getting an ego kick from people thinking you are spiritualy evolved, like leos and most people do. The most evolved people are out in the real world. either being mother theresa's or being scientist or just normal average people.
Two days ago I saw a woman talking on tv, she was a catholic, she was enlightened. Her life changed, and from her speech and the light she had I knew she was for real. There are so many paths to the Truth. Only love is real. So where is love? I want to follow love.
It's not where i thought it was. (Be a light to yourself - Siddartha ) I find that so far i'm the closest source to love that I know. I mean, I find love when I meditate and am aligned with my Source. My goal in life is to be an open vessel for that kind of love. Because it's the only thing that heals and that makes sense. nothing is more effective then that. lots of other things are more effective then being a psych therapist. I think i just need to do things that have practical imediate results. So i think I'll be happy taking a litle turn into a more medical area. Like neuroscience.
Pisces- virgo, the serve or suffer axis. This is so right.

Jose Gonzalez - Heartbeats

I miss music...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

stages of denial

:) enjoy...

Job search

Lots of important things have happened today and yesterday. I'll get into that tomorrow maybe, not today. I didn't get any sleep and feel too weird. I'm looking for a job. I'd like to inform the Universe that I'm open to the perfect job for me at this time in life. Can you hear me, Universe? I'm ready for it. You know how to find me.
Yeah, job searching can be exausting. Shouldn't be as much for me, this is supposed to be the area of life where I'm lucky and have good karma. Here's the astrology:

Jupiter in the Sixth House 6th hs
This is a very useful placement, because it enables you to learn through working. You are able to put off getting something you want at the moment in favor of a goal that is more distant and usually more meaningful in the long run. By doing this, you grow in maturity and understanding. You will gain a great deal by giving to and working for others, which may not pay off immediately, but eventually it will bring you more than you can imagine.
You need to find work that is meaningful for you. Dull, repetitive and seemingly pointless tasks will turn you off very quickly, for you do not have as much patience as some people. But if you know that your duties are important, you will carry on with them until the very end.
As you get older, you will try to understand the world and people through work and service to others. You will be most attracted to fields that expose you to as many different kinds of people and situations as possible. You may work in a foreign country or with foreign people.

Jupiter Trine Midheaven
This aspect will be extremely useful, first by helping you find the right direction to take in your life and, second, by enabling you to make others feel positive about you and eager to help if you need it. You have a strong sense of social responsibility, a feeling that you should give your life over to a purpose that is useful to the world. You will always get along easily with authorities. You know that they have something to teach you, and you are willing to learn from them. You will always have a project to work on, because you hate to be idle, either in mind or body. Usually you are busy with some consuming interest, which may mean more to you than being with others. You feel that you are self- sufficient, that your activities are enough to give you a sense of fulfillment in life.

This is true, I'd be sure to hire me if I were an employer. I beleive the Universe conspires to realize your wishes once you put them out there, so this is me doing exactly that.
My perfect job would be 30 hours per week, using my skills in psychology or astrology, or translating, or all of the above and maybe some other skills I might have, maybe computer skills or driving skills! And i'd be payed for it, a fair amount. I'd be happy with that.
Thank you Universe, in advance.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

coldest weekend ever

This is in the highest mountain of mainland Portugal. Serra da Estrela. I've NEVER been so cold in my life as I was in these pictures, specially the first one. My face froze. It's gorgeous though.

Friday, November 23, 2007


I had my gastric bypass 2 years ago, yesterday :)
been a nice ride all in all. Or at least it's nice to think so. I was supposed to have celebrated it, as a rebirth date, but i was too lazy to do that. Though I had a nice evening, going out to Bairro Alto, having some "jaquinzinhos" - they're tiny fried fish - and some nice white wine, with my boyfriend and his father. We're heading to the snow tomorrow, at Serra da Estrela. It has been snowing there a bit since last weekend.
Hopefully iIwon't freeze my ass there. Haven't bought proper winter clothes. I need a nice warm coat.
That's the bad thing about loosing so much weight, you need to keep buying new clothes for 2 years, while the weight is coming off you need to keep getting new stuff. So I started to buy mine second hand mostly, I find great things at Humana downtown. I have tons of big old clothes to give them too. I love to buy like 2 dreamy pairs of jeans (sometimes i'm lucky to find some already cut the right leg size for me), 3 shirts, and some shoes for less then 20 euros! Makes my day.
Humana is amazing. They accept 2 hand clothes that people donate and then sell them really cheap, and the profits go for charity. And maybe 20% of the stuff there is really good quality and nice taste. others are so kitsh it's funny to look at. Something for everyone there.
I weigh around 60 kgs now. I think that may be around 120 pounds. My body mass indicator says i'm normal :) not morbidly obese, not obese, not excessive weight.
I find that i'm loosing apetite though. Right now i'm starved, I know this because I feel a bit weak and slight headache, i haven't eaten in a few hours, but i don't feel like eating anything. It's strange and sometimes I get scared. Mostly because people are telling me i need to stop loosing weight, and it's just not happening, even though i eat half a can of condensed milk a day, on top of regular meals, Not sure I understand this . I lost 2 kg (4 pounds) at least in the last 3 weeks. Eating condensed milk almost everyday which is a calorie bomb. I'll ask the nutricionist about this. I have a feeling eating high sugared things can be causing the faster weight loss lately, as contradictory as it might sound. But it isn't so absurd. If i'm constantly starved like i have been mostly, the body goes into survival mode, and doesn't waste any energy, the metabolism lowers. If you have alot of calories it changes back to normal mode, and starts to burn as it would normaly. My weigh was alot more stable before i found i could have condensed milk and not feel so sick i could die.
And 2 years after the surgery you're supposed to begin having a certain tendency to put on weigh again, since the restrictive absortion effect of the surgery looses it's "effect" around this time.. the body makes up for it, gets used to it.. and the only thing that works to keep the weight down is the smaller stomache, which some people manage to strech alot by this time. Even if they don't there's always a slight tendency to gain a few pounds after the 2 year mark.
but this is not happening totally for me, i guess. I do feel I don't miss my vitamins as much, not at all actually. And haven't for maybe 2 months. Before this, if i forgot to take them in the morning i'd feel weak, and now I don't notice any difference.
So the absortive aspect (1 meter of the bowel is bypassed in order to be used for a different purpose other then absorving nutrients and calories, so that leads to further weight loss with this surgery, but that stops after 2 years because the body learns to compensate for it)
is problably working, meaning it has problably compensated as it's supposed to.
I think it's because i've been so stressed out too. My white blood cells just give up on me when i'm depressed and stressed. I can feel them do this. Also my stomache feels really full with half a cup of water when i'm stressed, it must shrink or something. But I know this is common .
Makes me feel it's urgent to start being happy. Happier.
I'm really thankful for lots of good things today. Just hope I keep learning to appreciate things more and more.
There would be alot more to talk about this surgery and all the aspects related to it. Saturn in virgo would be a nice time to talk more about it. Not sure i want to though. Maybe if it comes up. I get a feeling non bypassed people will think I'm a freak talking about this :)
Though people thinking i'm a freak tends to give me a bit of a kick, it's not always desirable and rarely my priority as I live my life, and do my choices.
Post secret: I crave acceptance some times.
Wishing you a nice weekend... I'll be back on monday, God willing.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Alpha < Sig.

I'm studying statistics until tuesday. So help me god.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Saturn return- it's official

I'm officially having my saturn return. Didn't think I would have it until next year, but it's doing a 3 degrees conjunction now.
I've been thinking about my natal saturn-sun opposition. I could generalize that to saturn opposing mercury too. Oh, and opposing mars by the way. in transit and progression. Makes me take criticism and disaproval of any form really seriously. Knocks me out actually. Sometimes I even imagine it and react to that, doesn't even have to be real. Most of the times that's what happens. Other times it's surprises me out of nowhere. All this makes me grow fast, and I've been having alot of it lately.
I think because I'm basically a good person and do my best most of the times, after agonizing about what I did wrong I usually find I didn't do anything to deserve being "saturnized", just unfair situations which Is unexpected as I didn't know this about saturn, but there's always things to learn from it. Like being careful, being observant, being quiet basically- as I feel I'm not in my normal state of conscience right now, with this jupiter in my moon, so being quiet would really save trouble right now. Fortunatly I've been that way all my life, and it doesn't take much to adapt. But for some years I have been trying to become more free of the fear that made me be like that in the first place. So I'm needing to learn a new posture, a middle ground.
Jupiter is still helping me feel like I can deal with this. Don't know how it will be next week though. We'll see.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007


This jupiter transit conjunct my moon has been alot like being posessed by an entity, full of good will and good feelings, but surprisingly failing miserably to express it's good intentions properly. I have a sagitarius moon which isn't known for being tactful, but this is different. Sometimes I'm not tactful because the truth seems much more important then tact, but this transit is more of being posessed by good feelings inside me and towards others like I rarely have been before. and then became amazed how that isn't expressive enough by itself.
I'm assuming things and failing. It feels bad. I am hurt when people don't see my good intentions, always. It's very frustrating.
This reminds me of something that was on my mind a few months back, about ackowledging the shadow in yourself, so it won't bite you in the ass.
A part of me is thankful for people enbodying she shadow biting me in the ass at this point. This never fails to make me stop and think. But I want some peace and I have it inside. I'll be sure to enjoy jupiter at this point, in a more introverted way. Besides, Saturn is no more a part of reality then any other planet. Life is about experiencing all of them. So for now I will pass on the suggestion to blame myself for other people's reactions.

Embrace your mortality

"Embrace your mortality" was the answer I got. The question : "What can I do to heal us?"

This was one of those chats between me and a specific part of my soul. I don't want to sound weird today, so I won't get into details about how it works. I just wanted to reflect about it.

( Don't mean to underestimate my fellow excentric-seekers-of-the-Truth's hability to be fascinated by these type of stories, but I don't want to over expose sacred things.)

I had forgotten this message, and accidently found it 2 days ago in an old email, where I used to keep a sort of diary.

Embrace your mortality. What does this mean?

It means: Be ok with the fact you are in a body. Be ok with being here temporarily and possibly leaving unexpectedly. Being ok with your plans being frustrated by death. Detach from your persona. Take care of your body, it's a precious tool. Learn to do this by yourself even though no one did it for you when you expected them to - and you survived it, see how powerful you are? - You can create this hability from scratch. you have this power.

To not accept death is just the same as not accepting life. There is a direct connection between both. The story behind me not accepting death would sound weird as it has to do with a past life event. I didn't want to be born. (Ask my mother!! ) They had to pull me out a few weeks after the due date for birth. For some reason I did come. But I know why, mostly. I have a big need to learn, gain awareness. And it seems being here is the way to do that faster.

Mortalility is a big concept... it's the physical death, ilness, pain, spiritual transition at any given time. The life I chose as Viviana has prepared me to accept this better then i did before. This and a couple of other things.

Learning to love yourself is another big part of healing. Be the most important person in someone's life, starting with your own, perhaps. I'm here to learn to love, and that includes alot of things that need to happen in the process.

Do you know what are you here for? Do you think it makes a difference?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


give you
second hand.

Glycose & hedgehogs

I have been dreaming alot these last days. And I think it's related to my recent addiction to condensed milk. My brain missed having all the glicose, and the dreams are back with a vengence. They are very real. I don't remember the other night's dreams, but tonight I dreamt I was feeding baby hedgehogs, with an improvised baby bottle and it was a bit stressfull, they were very small. the dream lasted alot. I'd wake up and then go back to the dream a few times.

I love hedgehogs. I found on last december on my christmas vacation in the island. A baby, problably 3 months old. That's him on the photo. (I have more pictures of him on the archives of December) He was alone. I was looking for mushrooms and found him lying in the ground. When they are born late in the summer they are too young to hibernate and usually die during the winter.

I didn't know that then, but he seemed like he needed some mothering and I was all for it. I took him in my scarf to my home, he was a bit scared, rolled on himself.

then I went online and read about hedgehogs, what they eat, how to treat them.. first I gave him a warm bath and used an old tooth brush to clean and comb his spines, he loved the bath, he was relaxed by the warm water, this was day time so it meant it was sleep time for him, he wasn't very active, but he definatly relaxed more after the bath, I think that when he become my friend, he slept in my lap, without rolling into a ball like they do when they are afraid. Later that night he was up and starved, so I fetched him snails from the garden, and he devoured them in half a second, they were crunching in his mouth like popcorn!

People that have them as pets usually feed them cat food and fruit, and I tried it, but he didn't want any of that. He ate nothing but snails. Hedgehogs are very puppiesh, they are so gentle and cute, I fell in love with him. That was almost a year ago. Maybe that's why i'm dreaming of hedgehogs.

Anyway I am enjoying having loads of glycose on my blood again.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Cabo da Roca & update

This is me, sunday afternoon, at Cabo da Roca, supposedly the most western spot in europe (if you ignore the azores islands in the middle of the atlantic).

I've decided to start writing in english here, so more people can understand what i'm writing about :) pretty much all my portuguese readers understand english so this won't be a problem.

My S.A.D has given me a break these days, with jupiter conjunct my moon this week and the next, it's been nice.

Makes me think that if i had started taking anti depressants a few weeks ago when it began, I would think this break was due to it. But it isn't! I'm glad.

I'll be back soon to talk about stuff. I'll stop waiting for a good reason to write here and just force myself to, because it helps alot. All (nice) feedback from you is very welcome, in the language you prefer (just no deutsh, please anonimo or I'll have to use babel fish). off to bed.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Winter blues

(Ou SAD, seasonal affective disorder... ou depressão sazonal. Ou ainda, a historia da depressão ao longo da minha vida.)

Os sintomas mais típicos são:
Dormem por mais horas por dia no inverno, mas mesmo assim se sentem cansadas e
tem dificuldade acordar de manhã.
Aumento de apetite, vontade de comer
carboidratos e "Junk food".
Mudanças na energia e motivação: dificuldade de
concentração, execução de tarefas de rotina, fadiga, isolamento social e
diminuição do impulso sexual.
Mudanças no humor: irritabilidade, apatia,
baixa auto estima, sensação de depressão, tristeza e em casos extremos, idéias
Maior intensidade da Tensão Pré-Menstrual.

mais info em

Acho que sofro de Distimia há quase 4 anos, e antes disso já sofria de depressão sazonal. Que ataca no fim do verão, outubro tipicamente...entro em semi-hibernação, com os sintomas referidos acima, a vida é cinzenta e sem sentido e arrasto-me dia a dia, uns melhores e outros francamente maus. Depois por volta de abril voltava a sentir um surto de vida literalemente.. acordava uma bela manhã, sol a brilhar, os passaros a cantar e de repente a vida era fantástica e queria ir de novo viver, cheia de projectos e curiosidades.

Este post serve em parte para desabafar e em parte para organizar a minha historia clínica a este respeito.
Lembro de desde sempre ser reconhecida como mais introvertida que as minhas irmãs, era pensativa, e talvez me tenha sentido sozinha mts vezes, não lembro bem. Era mais angelical, gostava de agradar as pessoas, ouvir conversas dos adultos, fazer panquecas (aprendi a cozinha-las aos 7 anos) e café para as visitas diárias dos meus tios.
Não penso que tivesse sintomas de depressão.
Penso que começo a sentir os primeiros sintomas depressivos por volta dos 11 anos, a idade em que se vai para o ciclo preparatorio. Foi quando deixei os meus amigos da escola primaria, que ficaram a repetir o ano por serem mt novos. E fui enfrentar um inferno. Correu mt mal o processo de socialização. fui rejeitada por professores e colegas. Sentia terror de manhã quando tinha de ir para a escola. Senti isso até ao 8 ano do liceu, ano em que desisti da escola durante 1 ano, e depois voltei. a partir daí tudo correu bem. Fiquei na turma de pessoas mt mais normais e amigaveis e ter tido 1 ano longe de pessoas desconhecidas ajudou a organizar a minha identidade e sentir-me mais segura. E lembro de ter momentos bons nesses anos. Os meus verões eram muito bons sempre. apenas o inverno e a escola não.
Saltando uns anos á frente, sem grandes problemas além da costumeira SAD, penso que estive deprimida ou no mínimo distimica com crises depressivas masi graves no ano e meio anterior ao meu bypass gástrico. Aliás..... pensando melhor, ha 7 anos atrás qdo vim morar para Lisboa comecei a sentir que tinha a vida on hold, não estava a viver, estava a esperar. Cerca de 2 anos depois disso tive 1 ano e meio de crise absoluta de vida... por ter perdido o meu chão, a crença em Deus. Que fundava toda a minha vida, relaçoes sociais, planos.. Lembro de querer morrer, planear suicidio, the whole ordeal. Foi a segunda pior fase da minha vida, depois de uma que tive aos 14 anos (altura da oposiçao (aos 14) e quadratura (aos 21) de saturno até agora). Agora estou quase a ter a conjunção de saturno. o famoso retorno de saturno.. aos 29. enfim, ainda não cheguei lá. espero estar melhor preparada do que estive nas anteriores crises.

Sinto-me rodeada de obstáculos, sem a mínima orientação sobre o futuro, sem apoio significativo. Nestas alturas as pessoas desaparecem. Ou se aparecem acabam por piorar a coisa. As com que sou obrigada a lidar (como médicos) teem encontrado formas surreais de me espezinhar sem qq causa lógica ou coerente.
Quando se tem depressão todas as coisas más ficam a remoer durante dias, não desaparecem, ficam a envenenar a alma e o corpo. Entretanto fico stressada, ansiosa, infeliz... o cabelo cai, o corpo doi, a garganta começa a doer qdo engulo.. tipo dor muscular... voltaram as dores de gastrite. E a desgraça ganha ritmo e velocidade rumo a um sítio escuro e mt frio.

What to do?
terapia de luz? os tais candeeiros para combater o SAD existem em ptgal? Anti-depressivos? Venham eles. Ando em busca de todas as soluções. Hoje espero começar um curso de introdução á meditação. E vou tentar aguentar as pontas entretanto. Tenho fé que haja cura para isto. Chorar alivia ás vezes. Mesmo que tenha de ser sozinha.
Apesar de supostamente a depressão ser um desequilibrio dos neurotransmissores que distorcem a percepção das coisas, é uma altura em que a sobriedade impera. a dura realidade bate. a solidão.
Gostava de falar de td isto de forma menos generica. explicar as crises pessoais multiplas e confusas que estou a viver. mas este não é o local indicado para isso.

Acho que qdo comecei este blog, parti do principio que a bondade alheia era um dado adquirido, e que era eu que percisava de mudar e aprender a abrir-me. Está bastante comprovado que essa premissa não está correcta, e as pessoas boas são mesmo a minoria. E que mesmo essas são apenas humanas. Como eu. Cheias de complexos ás vezes dificeis de entender e lidar. De aceitar.

Acho que estou a aguentar me por uns fios. e que mt provavelmente virão mais problemas, mais pressão. Estou nas mãos de Deus. Qdo chegar ao fundo vou chorar até perder o folego, e depois vou respirar. E aquilo a que se chama vida vai manter-se em mim. Morro por dentro, mas o coração não pára, os pulmoes não param. e a alma vê-se obrigada a estar aqui. passar por tudo. sim, já passei por isso , já sei como é. Mas não me culpem se eu não quiser passar por isso mais uma vez.

voltando á organização das crises... a fase pre bypass foi claramente depressiva, e com razões para isso. Mais grave é quando não ha razoes para isso. Apos o bypass perdi 50 kgs. O sonho de uma vida. Mas não senti felicidade. senti no maximo alivio de ja nao sofrer o que sofria antes. Entrei num estado de apatia. a comida era uma droga, e fiquei sem ela. Claro que continuo a comer, mas o sabor é diferente, o efeito é diferente, a satisfação não existe mais. Tudo cinzento. pensei que era ressaca, e que ia passar. mas não. ja la vao 2 anos de apatia e indiferença com curtos espaços de tempo mais alegres. E agora estou a piorar dia a dia com os winter blues. Não conhecia esta expressao, dei com ela hj na net.. winter blues, soa a eufemismo. mas é bonito, e deixei.
não poupei mt do dramatismo da realidade actual neste post. Acredito que se sobreviver a isto, acabará por vir alturas mt melhores em que isto vai parecer mt distante. e aí será interessante reler. a vida dá voltas. O dia sucede a noite. cá estarei, espero.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


Viagem a sortelha, uma aldeia historica á saída da covilhã, a terra do meu babe.

Thursday, August 30, 2007


Always look at the bright side of life - the life of Brian

É a unica coisa que faz sentido perante a vida, rir dela. Pareço o Smiley nesta foto.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Re: Almas gémeas

Anónimo porreiro disse:
Na minha modesta opinião a parte da reencarnação apanhou-me desprevenido ( ainda há quem defenda essa tese?).Quanto às almas gemeas, temos várias...existe quem nos complemente e reaja a uma situação de forma que achamos interessante e nos atrai por isso.Mais que aspecto físico, existe a sintonia, cada vez mais (conforme a minha idade vai avançando) o que interesse numa mulher é o que lhe vai na alma "que estás a pensar?". Anónimo porreiro 08.24.07 - 1:49 pm #

Olá Anónimo, não queres partilhar a tua identidade? Penso que vens cá de vez em qdo pq já comentaste antes mas não sei quem és.
Qto á reencarnação, acho que cada vez mais se defende essa ideia. Acaba por fazer todo o sentido conforme vamos pesquisando sobre várias areas de desenvolvimento pessoal, convertes-te naturalmente á ideia da reencarnação. Comigo foi assim que aconteceu. De qq forma não é muito importante acreditar-se ou não nisso. Se fosse suposto acreditares, lembrarias de tudo (passado e ... futuro, pois) como os iluminados fazem. A ignorancia disso tem a sua utilidade.
Em síntese aquele artigo diz que almas gémeas são as pessoas que tem um impacto importante na nossa vida.. podes nunca ter uma relaçao pessoal com elas até, mas afectaram-te, atraves do seu trabalho por exemplo.
E isto faz mt sentido de acordo com a minha experiência, mas vou me abster de especificar.
Achei interessante dizeres que o que te importa é o que vai na alma da pessoa no momento. Porque é verdade, somos um fluxo de coisas. Que por sua vez reflecte o lado mais estático da personalidade que canaliza esse fluxo de pensamentos. Se queremos ter uma relação queremos saber como a pessoa é a médio termo, pelo menos, não achas? em vez de como é naquele segundo. :)

Almas gémeas

"Se as pessoas compreendessem que o encontro de Almas Gémeas é algo tão raro, que quando acontece não é para que se viva uma relação a dois dentro de uma visão tridimensional, marital, de companharismos, mas para que seja despoletado em ambos activações necessárias para que uma evolução maior aconteça, deixariam, definitivamente, de procurar pela a sua Alma Gémea, cujo nome mais adequado, e é assim que gosto de chamar, seria de Núcleo Complementar.
Os Núcleos Complementares são expressões polares de uma mesma consciência que tem uma evolução separada. Nem sequer fazem parte do mesmo grupo de Almas. Lembras-te do Romance. A Vera(Sara) e o João(Dionísio) são a expressão do que esses núcleos são. Eles encontraram-se sem se encontrarem para que pudesse acontecer em cada um deles uma transformação e não para viverem felizes para sempre como um casal.
O que acontece é que muitas vezes, e isso é o mais comum, encontramos pessoas que fazem parte do nosso grupos de Almas, que são aquelas que nos acompanham ao longo das encarnações.
Quando andavas na escola fazias parte de uma turma. Eles eram os teus colegas, aqueles que te acompanharam ao logo dos vários anos. É verdade que alguns ficaram para trás por não terem passado de ano e foram intregados em outras turmas, e outros chegaram vindos de outros lugares. Mas no geral, aquele núcleo principal de colegas se manteve e fez parte de todo o teu percurso escolar.
Essa turma é o grupo de Almas, são seres muito afins contigo com quem tiveste muitas experiências na matéria, ora como amigos, companheiros, familiares, etc...
Muitas vezes confundimos esses seres como sendo a tal Alma Gémea. São apenas colegas de turma que conhecemos muito bem de tantas viajens em conjunto pelo mundo da matéria. E mesmo dentro dessa turma existem aqueles grupos que se formam entre apenas alguns e esses são aqueles com quem ainda temos mais afinidade e que geralmente encarnam com ligações muito próximas.
O nosso Núcleo Complementar, a tal Alma Gémea, não faz parte deste grupo, pois está integrado numa outra turma onde terá experiências diferentes a viver e só muito raramente, como referi anteriormente, se cruza connosco na matéria.
Para além de tudo isto, temos a Mónada que é o nosso Fogo mais Essencial, é a nossa dimensão Divina. Esta opera em dupla ou tripla e junto com a outra ou as outras duas desempenha uma função específica que não tem nenhum reflexo directo na personalidade dos seres que lhes correspondem. É algo muito distante da nossa mente humana e da nossa capacidade de o perceber."
By Pedro Elias, in

Monday, August 20, 2007

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Astrology: a beginner's guide

How many of your stat sign does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

transcrição dum email...

Não sei se te contei isto... mas vem a proposito do bypass gastrico que eu fiz e da mensagem do Abraham

Antes de eu fazer a cirurgia deu me uma insegurança, comecei a pensar que se calhar Deus me iria castigar por eu estar a querer demais. Afinal há pessoas que não veem, nao andam, ou nao tem pernas, ou são feias, ou etc.. e eu tenho tanta coisa boa e estou a querer mais ainda. As tantas Deus vai fazer a cirurgia correr mal para eu aprender a estar contente com o que tenho! - Os meus fantasmas catolicos a falar :) Mas era um medo honesto na altura, e levei as minhas preocupações ao meu guia, o meu Eu superior, entrei em estado meditativo através duma visualizaçao guiada num CD e falei c ele, expus esta questão.. "estou a querer demais?" ao que ele respondeu :"Não te limites, não te compares com ninguém... cada pessoa se limita a si mesma/ cada pessoa tem o seu karma/ as suas teias/ crenças que as limitam, não faças isso: mereces o melhor de tudo o que existe" . E eu fiquei arrasada com o amor e verdade nestas palavras. E agora lembro me disso, porque é essa a mensagem do abraham :) é uma mensagem bastante in tune com a natureza também, e por isso me faz sentido.. O facto de não condenar a morte, nem defender os vegetarianos... sabes que isto vai contra o publico alvo do The secret.. é um publico que gosta de se ver como mais espiritual que o resto do mundo, que gostam de pensar que são bonzinhos e cheios de luz e que há o Bom e o Mau, ou seja esse tipo de pessoas está mt mais aberto a estas canalizaçoes espirituais. Vão ficar meios chocados com estas afirmações.. mas que eu acho que são verdadeiras. A natureza é a maior revelaçao de Deus. Deus está em TUDO.. nas coisas feias como nas bonitas.A natureza é bastante crua. Mas Deus está nas coisas cruas tanto como nas outras, está no leão que come a gazela, mesmo qdo nós viramos os olhos para não ver... Deus é isso tudo.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Wednesday, June 06, 2007


Shadow diz:
o melhor livro de tarot de sempre é O tarot e a viagem do heroi. do Hajo Banzhaf.
Estive a ler sobre a carta do diabo agora há pouco.. acho que mudou a minha vida.

Will diz:
então pq?

Shadow diz:
Foi a carta que me saiu para hj. Costumo tirar de manha uma carta síntese do dia
e fiquei O_O então fui ler sobre o diabo e aprendi que ando a projectar a minha sombra nos outros. não a aceito em mim, identifico me só com a luz. e isso é uma grande treta. pq ninguem é luz. somos os 2 lados. mas é mais fácil projectar o mal só nos outros

Will diz:
E como é que fazes isso??

Shadow diz:
e qdo nao aceitamos a nossa sombra, ela aparece nos sempre á frente , na pele das outras pessoas..

Shadow diz:
como faço isso? projectar a sombra ou integra la em mim?

Will diz:
os 2

Shadow diz:
o mecanismo de projecção é um mecanismo psicologico em que tu projectas nos outros coisas que são tuas:em vez de admitires e veres que são tuas, elas aparecem te nas pessoas á tua volta.E tu lidas com elas assim. É mt menos ansiogenico e o teu ego fica intacto. Isto eh psicologia básica...

Will diz:
E como é que percebes isso???

Shadow diz:
como é que percebo isso..
nesta visão transpessoal/espiritual da coisa pode se dizer que projectas tudo, praticamente. td o que é exterior a ti, td o que faz parte do mundo que tu conheces, é fundamentalmente TEU!
Pq a realidade é uma realidade virtual nossa. a nossa mente recria no exterior o que está dentro de nós
Se estes conceitos são novos pra ti, é capaz de nao ser boa ideia ouvires tudo duma vez pq isto mexe mt com a cabeça.

Will diz:
ok, tenho de ler sobre isso um dia destes.

Shadow diz:
vê o documentario what the bleep do we know e o The secret. Tem na net.
Tu és Deus, basicamente. Tudo o que existe é criado por ti.

Eu já tinha esta noção. mas aplica la á realidade demora tempo..e ler sobre o diabo fez me entender melhor que td o que eu vejo de mau no mundo e nas pessoas, pertence-me...não sou só luz. n sou inofensiva. todo o mal que vejo é meu..

Will diz:
Isso é muuiiiiito à frente....

Shadow diz:
poisé.. mt mesmo. É mt dificil de aceitar no inicio.
mas tem uma vantagem enorme. Dá te poder..
de recriar a tua vida
da melhor forma


"Há dois anos, ouvi falar de um terapeuta, no Havaí, que curou um pavilhão inteiro de pacientes criminais insanos sem sequer ver nenhum deles.

O psicólogo estudava a ficha do preso e, em seguida, olhava para dentro de si mesmo a fim de ver como ele havia criado a enfermidade dessa pessoa.

À medida que ele melhorava, o paciente também melhorava.

A primeira vez que ouvi essa historia, pensei tratar-se de alguma lenda urbana.

Como podia alguém curar a outro, somente através de curar-se a si mesmo?

Como podia, ainda que fosse o mestre de maior poder de autocura, curar a alguém criminalmente insano?

Não tinha nenhum sentido, não era lógico, de modo que descartei essa história.

Entretanto, escutei-a novamente, um ano depois. Soube que o terapeuta havia usado um processo de cura havaiano chamado "oponopono ".

Nunca ouvira falar dele, no entanto, não conseguia tirá-lo de minha mente.

Se a história era realmente verdadeira, eu tinha que saber mais.

Sempre soubera que total responsabilidade significava que eu sou responsável pelo que penso e faço. O que estiver além, está fora de minhas mãos.

Acho que a maior parte das pessoas pensa o mesmo sobre a responsabilidade.

Somos responsáveis pelo que fazemos e não pelo que fazem os outros. Mas isso está errado.

O terapeuta havaiano que curou essas pessoas mentalmente enfermas me ensinaria uma nova perspectiva avançada sobre o que é a total responsabilidade.

Seu nome é Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. Passamos, provavelmente, uma hora falando em nossa primeira conversa telefônica.

Pedi-lhe que me contasse toda a história de seu trabalho como terapeuta.

Ele explicou-me que havia trabalhado no Hospital Estatal do Havaí durante quatro anos.

O pavilhão onde encerravam os loucos criminosos era perigoso.

Em regra geral, os psicólogos se demitiam após um mês de trabalho ali. A maior parte do pessoal do hospital ficava doente ou se demitia.

As pessoas que passavam por aquele pavilhão simplesmente caminhavam com as costas coladas à parede com medo de serem atacadas pelos pacientes.

Não era um lugar bom para viver, nem para trabalhar, nem para visitar.

O Dr. Len disse-me que nunca viu os pacientes. Assinou um acordo para ter uma sala no hospital e revisar os seus prontuários médicos.

Enquanto lia os prontuários médicos, ele trabalhava sobre si mesmo.

Enquanto ele trabalhava sobre si mesmo, os pacientes começaram a curar-se.

- "Depois de poucos meses, os pacientes que estavam acorrentados receberam
a permissão para caminharem livremente", me disse.

- "Outros, que tinham que ficar fortemente medicados, começaram a ter sua medicação reduzida. E aqueles, que não tinham jamais qualquer possibilidade de serem liberados, receberam alta"

Eu estava assombrado.

- "Não foi somente isso", continuou, "até o pessoal começou a gostar de ir trabalhar. O absenteísmo e as mudanças de pessoal desapareceram. Terminamos com mais pessoal do que necessitávamos porque os pacientes eram liberados e todo o pessoal vinha trabalhar. Hoje, aquele pavilhão do hospital está fechado ."

Foi neste momento que eu tive que fazer a pergunta de um milhão de dólares:

- "O que foi que o senhor fez a si mesmo para ocasionar tal mudança nessas pessoas?"

- "Eu simplesmente estava curando aquela parte em mim que os havia criado", disse ele.

Não entendi. O Dr. Len explicou-me, então, que entendia que a total responsabilidade por nossa vida implica em tudo o que está na nossa vida, pelo simples fato de estar em nossa vida e ser, por esta razão, de nossa responsabilidade. Num sentido literal, o mundo todo é criação nossa.

Uau?! Mas isso é duro de engolir. Ser responsável pelo o que digo e faço é uma coisa. Ser responsável pelo que diz e faz outra pessoa que está na minha vida é muito diferente.

Apesar disso, a verdade é essa: se você assume completa responsabilidade por sua vida, então tudo o que você olha, escuta, saboreia, toca ou experimenta de qualquer forma é a sua responsabilidade, porque está em sua vida.

Isto significa que a atividade terrorista, o presidente, a economia ou qualquer coisa que você experimenta e não gosta, está ali para que você a cure.

Tudo isto não existe, digamos, exceto como projeções que saem do seu interior.

O problema não está neles, está em você, e, para mudá-lo, você é quem tem que mudar.

Sei que isto é difícil de entender, muito menos de aceitar ou de realmente vivenciar. Colocar a culpa em outra pessoa é muito mais fácil que assumir a total responsabilidade mas, enquanto conversava com o Dr. Len, comecei a compreender essa cura dele e que o ho'oponopono significa amar-se a si mesmo.

Se você deseja melhorar sua vida, você deve curar sua vida. Se você deseja curar alguém, mesmo um criminoso mentalmente doente, você o faz curando a si mesmo.

Perguntei ao Dr. Len como ele curava a si mesmo. O que era, exatamente, que ele fazia, quando olhava os prontuários daqueles pacientes.

- "Eu, simplesmente, permanecia dizendo 'Eu sinto muito' e 'Te amo', uma vez após outra" explicou-me.

- "Só isso?"

- "Só isso! Acontece que amar-se a si mesmo é a melhor forma de melhorar a si mesmo e, à medida que você melhora a si mesmo, melhora o seu mundo"

Permita-me, agora, dar um rápido exemplo de como isto funciona.

Um dia, alguém me enviou um e-mail que me desequilibrou.

No passado, eu teria reagido trabalhando meus aspectos emocionais tórridos ou tentado argumentar com a pessoa que me enviara aquela mensagem detestável.

Mas, desta vez, eu decidi testar o método do Dr. Len.

Comecei a pronunciar, em silêncio: "Sinto muito" e "Te amo".

Não dizia isto para alguém, em particular. Ficava , simplesmente, invocando o espírito do amor, para que ele curasse dentro de mim o que estava criando aquela circunstância externa.

Depois de uma hora, recebi um e-mail da mesma pessoa, desculpando-se pela mensagem que me enviara antes.

Observe que eu não realizei qualquer ação externa para receber essa desculpa. Eu nem sequer respondi aquela mensagem.

Não obstante, somente repetindo "sinto muito" e "te amo", de alguma maneira curei dentro de mim aquilo que criara naquela pessoa.

Posteriormente, participei de uma oficina sobre o ho 'oponopono, ministrada pelo Dr. Len.

Ele tem, agora, 70 anos de idade, é considerado um "xamã avô" e é um pouco solitário.

Elogiou meu livro "O Fator Atrativo". Disse-me que, à medida que eu melhorar a mim mesmo, a vibração do meu livro aumentará e todos sentirão o mesmo quando o lerem. Resumindo, na medida em que eu melhore, meus leitores também melhorarão.

- "E o que acontecerá com os livros que eu já vendi e que saíram de mim?" perguntei.

- "Eles não saíram", explicou ele, tocando minha mente, mais uma vez, com sua sabedoria mística . "Eles ainda estão dentro de você".

Resumindo, nada está do lado de fora.

Seria necessário um livro inteiro para explicar essa técnica avançada com a profundidade que ela merece.

"Basta, apenas, dizer que, quando você queira ou deseje melhorar qualquer coisa na sua vida, existe somente um lugar onde procurar: dentro de você mesmo. E, quando olhar, faça-o com amor".

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Friday, June 01, 2007

Give thanks with a grateful heart

Hoje é dia de acção de graças aqui na watervioletland... and it's about time.
Em novembro faz 2 anos que fiz uma operação que mudou a minha vida, não, não foi uma mudança de sexo :) foi um bypass gástrico. Dia 23 de Novembro, foi o dia do renascimento. De 107 kgs cheguei aos 63 kgs. Pela primeira vez na vida tenho um peso normal. O percurso não tem sido fácil, mas para os primeiros tempos eu estava preparada, para estes últimos já não.. desenvolvi uma úlcera gástrica e síndrome do cólon irritavel, e há dias complicados. Tenho estado bastante apática nos últimos meses mas quero começar a mudar isso. Decidi ir a um osteopata, fazer acunpuntura e pilates. E decidi tentar concentrar-me nas coisas boas, que nem são poucas, vendo bem.

Estou grata porque:
-Consegui o meu sonho de ficar com um peso normal
-posso vestir roupa que gosto
-sinto-me atraente e recebo muitos elogios
-homens atraentes acham-me bonita
-não tenho de me preocupar por me sentir mal com o meu aspecto quando saio de casa
-consigo ver as formas (bonitas) do meu corpo, da estrutura óssea
-os desequilibrios hormonais acabaram, posso engravidar se quiser, o excesso de pêlos desapareceu e a libido está a voltar timidamente
-comprei um bikini lindo
-Tenho pernas para andar, olhos para ver, consigo cheirar e ouvir
-tenho um gato giro que ás vezes é querido cmg. chama-se alex.
-tenho amigos que gostam mesmo de mim e eu deles
-pude ir ao concerto do dave matthews e foi inacreditável
-agradeço a mim pelas opções que fiz ao longo da vida, pela coragem de fazer o percurso que fiz, pela coerência que sinto quando penso em quem sou, e pela paz interior
-pela fé que existe em mim de que o futuro será sempre melhor
-pela fé de que tudo está no sitio certo na altura certa
-pela fé de que existe um sentido para a vida
-pela fé de que o amor é a unica coisa que cura e que me revela Deus
-por ter crescido numa ilha linda e ter aprendido a sentir Deus nos animais e na natureza, e na música... e em algumas pessoas. e nas crianças.
-por viver num país onde há paz e onde há mar e sol e comida boa
-por acreditar que as melhores coisas da vida são grátis
-por ter amigos que admiro e que me ensinam
-pela minha família estar viva e bem
-por poder estudar coisas que me vão possibilitar fazer um trabalho que me realiza mais que tudo
-e mais uma vez, por acreditar que o futuro será sempre melhor, como tem sido. Amén!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

imagens valem por mil palavras

Aqui vão umas fotos mais actualizadas, de dornes. O blog anda morto.. a precisar de um sopro de vida. Não sei que rumo dar-lhe. As hipoteses disponiveis não sao as mais simples. hm. could this be the definite end? Pra já ficam fotos...

Sunday, March 25, 2007

A minha aura

Tirei ontem na feira, na cordoaria. Estou a pensar tirar outra hoje, só para confirmar. Mas a interpretação bateu tudo certo. :) Tenho uma aura fixe.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Enneagram... afinal sou o 5

5 - the Observer
Thanks for taking the test !
you chose BZ - your Enneagram type is FIVE (aka "The Thinker").

"I need to understand the world"

Observers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me

Be independent, not clingy.
Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.
Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
don't come on like a bulldozer.
Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.
What I Like About Being a Five

standing back and viewing life objectively
coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
not being caught up in material possessions and status
being calm in a crisis
What's Hard About Being a Five

being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be
watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally
Fives as Children Often

spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on
have a few special friends rather than many
are very bright and curious and do well in school
have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers
watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information
assume a poker face in order not to look afraid
are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict
feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected
Fives as Parents

are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions
Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk

Monday, March 05, 2007

The simple life

No lago azul...ferreira do zezere.

Sunday, March 04, 2007


Andei em busca de terrenos em Ferreira do Zêzere. Este tem certa de 1880 m2. Situa-se em Ovelheiras, Chãos.

Prós: é acolhedor, lindo mesmo, o meu preferido a nível de beleza natural.
Contras: o chão é praticamente rocha, não tem aprovação ainda para construção, por isso nem está oficialmente á venda.

Preço: Custará certa de 17 mil euros se tiver aprovação