Saturday, December 15, 2007

"Water can fLow, water can crash, be Like water, my friend " - Bruce Lee

Dear blog,
I don't have much to say. I could use someone to chat now.
I miss intelectual stimulus. I got some from all these videos I've been posting lately.
I made stupid O'reilly my pet peeve this week. He's a great pet peeve. He's a caricature of a bad plutonian, when pluto people aren't smart or sensitive they act like him.
I take some solace knowing there are smart sane people in the world, facing people like him.
I guess he's my shadow, if he gets to me this much. It's conforting to watch him over and over and figure his M.O. , because there are too many people in the world like that. I've known my share of them and I tend to just keep away from them, or if that isn't possible, let them beleive they are getting they're way. I transcend things too involuntarily to be able to get into ego fights like they do. But I wish I didn't sometimes. Because it is a real thing. There is alot of power getting thrown around, and ending up in the wrong hands due to it. So I live vicariously through this videos of people kicking o'rilley's ass. Poor devil.
The importance of the polarized vision of the world is sometimes underrated by buddhists and new age people. Sometimes the best thing to do is to be incarnated and live things totally, get mad, explode, tell people what we think and feel about what they do and say. If you just transcend, you'll feel at peace, feel slighty like a martyr, but that's such a well known feeling by now, and then misunderstandings happen, because you don't comunicate. People don't know who u are, they don't know where u stand, they just project whatever crap they have inside onto you because you do such a great job being a hollow mirror to whatever reality is at the moment. You adapt to everything. But it does hurt alot. to have people not understand you at all, project crap in to you and you have no idea how to defend yourself because you never practised it before. And then u feel alone and depressed. This is the life of a mutable, transcendent person (A pisces, in other words). Some people are too much the other way around. Both extremes are bad.

I'd like to talk about my saturn transits. Except they're not extremely insightful. It's a a saturn in the 7th, relationships... so that's my lesson in life these couple of years. I've found a stable relationship and am happy feeling attached. Feeling somewhat stuck, compromised. It feels doable now. I'm learning to not expect alot from people. And just expect my boyfriend to be the caring respectul sometimes loving person he is, in whatever spare time he has. I don't get intelectual stimulus in this relationship. He's pretty smart, it's just we don't think about similar things. I'm learning to be ok with that. That is the one thing that makes me passionate about someone though. But I can get that in other people. These are my saturnine thoughts. They're pretty benevolant I think, compared to what I expected. I am happy :) I get joy from his familly, i like being connected to them. I like the perspective of having a stable caring person beside me, even though part time, and partly invested. That how I feel things are. All the bad things in the relationship I understand why they are there! What they are trying to teach me. I guess this is the joy of having spent a life working on understanding the meaning of life. :) Now that i do, it bears fruit. Wonderful fruit. I feel prepared for this. So far. I dread falling in love with someone else though, and having to choose between that and what I have now. I feel like the old lady in Titanic, Rose, saying women hide many secrets... meaning her true passion. I feel I might very well become her. This isn't depressing to think though, it's pretty good. I am wise enough to choose stable real love over a fantasy passion. Long lasting love is a consequence of lots of work, patience, comunication, and just hanging on through things. Isn't that how we deal with life on our own? Why would love be so different, so magical all the time, like in fairy tales. That's not real. I beleive people can be passionate and in love, but I might never find that, and it's ok. I'm very thankful for what I have. It's more then I expected. And i'm learning about this everyday now.
I'll be having jupiter conjunct my venus in march. Loads of relationships, good ones, will come. I might have to live up to my words then. I know for sure I will have to face this choice love/routine vs passion/fantasy many times during life. This is what married people do, right? I'm a venus in capricorn trine saturn in the 7th. If I don't do it right, who will? :)

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