Today's regression experience

I did a regression that I found on Brian Weiss youtube channel TheOmegaInstitute, and it takes to a memory of childhood, then to in utero, then a past life. My childhood memory was of being 3 or 4 years old in my childhood home, exploring outside of the house, by myself, maybe for the first time, I was scared when a car went by me too fast for that road, and I felt alone. A sense of the unknown, exploring the world, alone. In the in utero experience, I felt peaceful and opened, interested. When it came time for the birth I very suddenly started crying very loud, feeling very scared, I eventually found some comfort in the idea of my parents being there for me, to hold me. But it was hard to move on from how disturbing that experience was and to find a bit of comfort in someone else being there to protect me and love me. In the past life experience, my first feeling was of being someone very tall and thin, male, wearing strap sandals, caucasian, I lived away from the village in a small simple cabin a short walk away from a river. I had family in the village. When it came to going to an important time in that lifetime, i think it was the event of someone's death, someone I was connected too, but i didn't feel any sadness or any feelings at all. The traditions were very different, maybe this was in Asia, things look different, it's not a coffin. Most people wear white only. I don't know what year it is, there is no technology at all, it's all very simple and natural. My two sisters were there, as villagers, and I think we were connected by our relationship to the person that had died. there were no emotions about anything. The moment of death must have been peaceful, i just had the impression of being in a organized row of people on the ground, maybe in hospital beds, no feelings or emotions at all about any of those experiences. The life seemed very peaceful, if bland. I found it interesting that there was a sort of a pattern in all the memories that came to me, in all of them I was either alone or feeling alone, and exploring the world on my own. connection with others was rare and didn't come naturally. In the past life I think i might have been a loner, maybe a monk, but not so officially so, someone interested in intellectual and spiritual pursuits and avoiding human contact and strong emotions, a sort of buddhist. When asked if i recognized people around me, there was a sense of "people? oh, maybe, away in the village there are people, and I am connected officially to some of them". Unfortunately i didn't get any messages about the meaning of that life, or lessons. But i can absolutely see how those experiences and feelings are a part of me. My aquarius rising, detached emotionally, hating drama, south node in house 1 in pisces, my past lives would have been spiritual, but lonely, focused on me, and exploring on my own, pioneering my own spirituality. Very interesting stuff. Thank u Brian Weiss! This totally reminds me why i'm fascinated about past life regression.

Deconversion

I found this video series / documentary today and it is Amazing. If you are or have gone through christian de-conversion, the process of losing faith, you should watch this. If you don't understand why someone would convert at all, you should watch it too, it will give you good answers.

Integrity

There's a girl on youtube that I follow (CosmicExpansion) she started as a beauty guru and then she went to India on a spiritual search and now she makes videos about things she learned there. She talked about 4 concepts that people should try to follow, and one of them stuck with me, I tried to memorize it and this is what I remember from it: the principle of integrity means following through with whatever you say. Both to others and to yourself. If you tell someone you will meet them at 8, then meet them at 8. If you make a new years resolution to stop smoking, than make sure you do it. If something changes, than let the other person know, or yourself , whichever the case, about the change. Following this principle is supposed to increase self esteem. And it just makes so much sense! You need to trust yourself, be worthy of trust. This is one of only 4 principles that are considered most important. I love it.

Applying The 4 questions

Wow, it's been a while! A few years. 

But enough about that. 
Have you heard of Byron Katie? The Work? She came up with this very simple way of testing your perspective on a problem before you actually let yourself feel affected by it.... And I've been intrigued to try it. 

These are the questions she suggests someone poses to a stressful thought: 
1)Is it true?
2)Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3) How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4) Who would you be without that thought?

So, I will pick on of my stressful thoughts and test it. For years I have been feeling unwelcomed by a relative. She asks a lot if I plan on moving away, and I feel she doesn't like me in general, even though she tries to hide it. I never confronted her about that. I don't usually confront people, unless I know them intimately and have to relate to them daily, which isn't the case here. We see each other maybe two or three times per year, in family occasions. So, is it true? I think it is true. I have theories about why it happens.
Can I absolutely know that it's true? No. - This question is important. Why waste energy, time, life, thinking , worrying, feeling bad about something that you don't know for sure is true. This makes me realize the importance of being assertive. Assertiveness feels confrontational to me. In any situation. It takes me a while to digest assertiveness. When I do digest it, I appreciate it, because it's so healthy and sane. But it always feels violent at first, so I'm not assertive. I haven't been an assertive person. Maybe I will be more assertive because of this question. I really don't want to feel as bad as I have over something that I may not be true. It's a horrible idea.
3) How do I react, what happens when I believe that thought? I feel unwelcomed, inadequate, rejected, I feel it's unfair. It's interesting that I feel it's unfair. Doesn't she have the right to not like me or want me around her family? I feel that she would have that right if I was anything but pleasant and unassuming, and I try extremely hard to be good, to add to people's lives and to fit in without bugging anyone. And ironically that is probably what her problem is with me. But it still feels unfair, because that was me trying. So that's how that feels.
4) What would I be without that thought? I would feel freer, accepted, cozy.

Well, the lesson in this particular problem is to be assertive, I think that's would would have prevented this.

There are other types of problems that would be cool to try this approach on.
My first reaction to The Work was that it seems to make many assumptions, people need to make certain assumptions for the questions to make sense, especially in what seems to be the next part of The Work, where people turn the situation around, and whatever they were feeling about the other person they say it about themselves. It makes assumptions that by turning the situation around, you will find reality. And I don't understand that concept. I guess it's exactly the quote I posted below "The external is the internal projected" ? I would like to hear more about that. Maybe I should buy the book. But it seems to work and bring insights... I want to do that with other situations in the future.Here, in writing, where I can keep better track of my thoughts. Is there anyone out there reading this? If you are, Hi and welcome. I hope this made sense to anyone else.