Wednesday, June 04, 2008

How to Deal With Unreasonables

This is from wikihow... it was helpful for me.
Here's the types of unreasonables and how to deal with them:

The Arguer - Argues frequently, often for no reason whatsoever.Arguers will often have little idea what they're talking about, but once they say something, they won't give up, insisting that they're right and you are an idiot, even if they have been proven wrong, but they just don't want to admit it.

The Explosive - Freak out at the tiniest thing, making you feel like a moron.Explosives are a bit of a variation from Arguers. They will argue a lot, but more violently, sometimes yelling or hitting until you cave. Explosives don't usually lash out at people they don't know well, but they can sometimes.

The passive-agressive - They won't argue, but still very unreasonable. Makes you feel guilty or stupid without directly showing it.They use body language to show you they're angry, and that you are in big trouble. Often they will try to pretend like they're not angry, but you know.

How to deal with each one:

In the case of Arguers: if they say something wrong, and you want to correct them, or say something that may start an argument, think to yourself: Is being right really important right now? Is this an issue really worth getting into a big hubbub about? A lot of the time, the answer will be no, and in this case, I would let it go, ignore, it, or, just agree. Would it really matter if you're wrong a few times?

In the case of explosives: try to use the arguer strategy before they get out of control. This isn't always possible, sometimes an Explosive can catch you off guard when you thought there was nothing wrong. If they do get into a screaming spree, sometimes, it will still work to just agree, give in, just make sure you don't do it in a way that seems passive-aggressive, this drives explosives nuts. Avoid any arguments after this point, because while an explosive is calming down, he/she is still a ticking bomb. The tiniest of things could set him/her off, he/she may even be looking for things to get mad about. Just pretend that nothing is wrong. Act like they are having a civil conversation, but don't make a point of it. If you seem to obviously ignoring the outburst, this comes out as very passive-aggressive. Remove all emotions from your being. Don't react to their explosions. Don't act angry, scared, happy, sad, or even some degrees of nonchalant. Just be after a while, your unreasonable may get bored of the fact that he/she is getting no reaction from you. This helps things.

In the case of passive-aggressives: it is a first reaction to get angry. Passive-aggression is meant to make a person tick, meant to hit them hard. It's hard, sometimes to ignore this, because it makes people so angry, but you need to put real effort into it. You shouldn't strike back with passive-aggression, because that would just make things much worse for you. Act nonchalant to their aggression. Act like you don't get that they're angry. Try to lighten the mood, even. Don't laugh, though, don't get 'happy' all of a sudden, this'll make your unreasonable very angry. Just change the subject. If you can get to a lighter topic, you might be able to switch him/her to a happier mind set, which is definitely a plus.

I know all three types. The arguer is the witch neighbour. the explosive is my father, and the passive agressive let's call her D.R.N.

Astrologically there's not alot to say about the arguer, they just have a messed up mars-mercury going on and not alot in their lifes to inspire them, or let's be real about it, they have litle ability to be inspired, they have tiny souls and tiny minds.

The explosives could be people with venus in scorpio, which is the case I know. Scorpio moons tend to be like that a bit too. This is because scorpio venus and moon crave intensity and action. So I loved how the way to deal with them is to bore them, by frustrating them. This is what I learned do early on in my life, to deal with my father problably. Hence my aqua rising which is good for poker faces. It can have the same result as a passive agressive when dealing with an arguer, because by not reacting, by being neutral, the arguer gets to project whatever crap they have inside, and so they may get madder, they're insecurities grow stronger. This is true as a reaction for arguers only though. For explosives I agree that it works well. Which is a good sign for them. I think it means they are rational somewhat.

Passive agressors are typically people with mars -venus stuff, like mars in libra and mars in the 7th house. they can be very sick if they're not aware of their intentions. sometimes they are and are just too 'coward' (i don't mean to offend, i really prefer passive agressives to brutal agressives because you can actually comunicate and try to figure what's wrong, though i have to say it does end up to be "unreasonable") to act any other way. They tend to get a kick out of pushing people's buttons, they live their mars (anger, agression) vicariously through others this way.
Besides DRN, my mother has this, and I think she has no idea about it. She has never reflected upon herself and found that she gets a kick out of mad people, maybe because she atracts people pathologically angry and no sain person would enjoy that, so i beleive it's very blocked in her subconscient.
Now imagine my parents together. they've both got venus in scorpio so they get out of it alive, or reborn might be the word. scorpio dies and reborns all the time.

I'm really glad I know astrology, and know i have a different energy and I'm not at risk of getting into this type of thing. Not as bad as this at least. I've lived my venus square pluto consciently and learned from it fast enough. and my saturn venus connections are harmonious, beautiful trines. they make me beleive people that are mean to me love me, that's why they're mean to me, also, they're mean because they're a bit sick in the mind, but that doesn't mean they can't love. :) Also I get to choose to not be around them if I don't want to deal with their type of hard love. So it's good.

What are your venus issues and how do u deal with them?


Devil Mood said...

I'm so impressed with your analysis, spot on :)
Uh venus issues, yes. it's interesting because we both have Venus in contact with Saturn and Pluto.

I'll be honest and say that I'm a typical passive-aggressive, I sulk, I shut up, I don't do anything. lol And yes I have Mars in Libra near the Descendant. Plus because I have Venus in Scorpio, they're switched and in mutual reception, so it's a real Venus-Mars mess right here. lol

But like you I'm so thankful that I know astrology so I can be just a little more aware of this.

By the way I'm reading the BEST book ever! It's the Psychology seminars vol.1 by Liz Greene and Howard Sasportas. They mix astrology and aspects with psychology, so imagine Bowlby, Seligman, Erikson...all mixed with astrology. It's brilliant!

Devil Mood said...

I meant the Psychological Astrology Seminars, or something like that.

Violet said...

thank u :)
it's great to to be aware of things, it makes all the difference.
i've never heard of that book. is it translated? did u get it online?

Devil Mood said...

I bought it on
It's a really old copy but it cost about 6, 7 euros. It's in english and it's only volume 1of the seminars. I'd like the read the next one(s) :)

Violet said...

that's cool. i love amazon. I should get in there and buy a few good books. any other suggestions?

Devil Mood said...

I always buy mine on the marketplace offers, not on the actual amazon, as they're much cheaper.
There was another one from Liz Greene that I really enjoyed, called Relating.

Violet said...

Comprei "A vida não é aqui" do Milan Kundera ha dias, na feira do livro. Adoro o titulo. mas até agora o conteudo nao ta grande coisa.

da Liz li o saturno e outro de plutao ou algo assim.. que fala sobre mitologia, parece mt interessante a primeira vista mas é mt denso e xato. mas nao li todo. so folheei...

Devil Mood said...

Eu tenho esse do plutao em ebook e queria mto ler, mas de facto parece um bocado pesado. O do Saturno ainda vai no principio, é para ler devagar.