Translation

A lovely soul translated the song Pachad for me! And it's as beautiful as I thought, if not more. Here goes:

Fear

a dim fear cover the eyes
i want you to wait for him alone
connecting my hands, and tell me to ask
give me a handwant you to folding to him
want you to wait for him forever
white courage pushing me into the water
want you to get wetcome to me
shining the skys for me
give me a hand, want you to try by yourself
this is the time that you will bloom forever
swim alone now, he says
want you to bloom forever
its time that you figure out who you are
give me a hand, give me a hand, give me a hand,
want you to try by yourself
this is the time that you will bloom forever
swim alone now, he says
want you to bloom forever
its time that you figure out who you are
who are you? who are you? who are you?

It seems she's talking about the symbolism of learning how to swim, taking a risk and finding who she is, outside de parents grip. I love it. Swiming is one of my favorite things. I feel it defines me too. It makes me bloom and feel totally free.

mix pix

Inside the famous building! :) The 120 year old bookstore in downtown Lisbon.

Outside de bookstore.

Largo de Camões, this picture was taken from inside the brazilian consulate, where I had to go this morning. Nice view.

Portinho da Arrábida. This is the closest to paradise I've seen. These mountains are magical, alot of peaceful energy. they have ancient convents and monasteries sprinkled around.

A fox. It was very relaxed.. Maybe desoriented. She stared at me while I was trying to get the camera to work.

Yael Naim - Pachad

This is one of my favorite songs. I don't know what she's saying, but here are the hebrew lyrics:

pahad amoom otef et ha-enaym
rotze shetehakee lo levad
kosher li tayadaym, omer teethaninee
ten li yad
rotze shetetkapli elahv
rotze shetehakee lo la-ad

ometz lavan dohef oti lamaym
rotze sheteratvee
bo elai
meir li et hashamaym

omer ahshav tesshi
ten li yad
rotze shetenasi levad
hegia zman shetifrehi la-ad

omer ahshav tesshi levad
rotze shetenasi la-ad
hegia zman shetegali mi at

ten li yad... ten li yad...

ten li yad
rotze shetenasi levad
hegia zman shetifrehi la-ad

omer ahshav tesshi levad
rotze shetifrehi la-ad
hegia zman shetegali mi at

mi at.. mi at

Yael Naim | New Soul

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOOVEE this song and many others she sings!

This is what she says about this song:
“a new soul, in this foreign world, hoping to learn a little”? “It was when I was really young that I sincerely believed to be an old soul reincarnated and I could even say it gave me a sense of superiority over others. But then as I subsequently did everything the wrong way round I concluded that it was actually my first time on earth and that I should learn to be a more humble.”

It's very pisces-aries shift! My progressed sun entered aries this year. (this happens once every 350+ years)
It's a shift from the last sign to the first. From "divine" caos, merging with All, utter fog, total sense of "been there done that", bah, to being primal, thirsty for life, directed, instinctive, genuine, fiery, naive, babyiesh. this would be the archetypal change from pisces to aries. It wasn't nearly as extreme but I identify so much with this song. Old souls learning to be new ones, letting go of the past, being simple.
The video is so cool. The beauty of accepting the destruction of the past and welcoming the new.

Lisbon - Chiado

This is old Lisbon. It's pretty, isn't it?

The Artist's retreat

I spent this day with my friend Nuno Afonso =) check out his website:

http://www.agrios.blogspot.com/

He is an old soul. I love him. I think he is a genious. His paintings and sculptures are for sale, you can contact him on the website if you're interested. Just don't buy Quis ut Deus (means Who is like God?) , I want that one! I'll buy it when I'm not so poor. It's mt favorite painting in the world. I'm kidding, u can buy it. He can make more. I love them all.

Little retreat

Memories of a day spent at with a friend, cooking bagels and turkish delights, and watching ants carry their food around..... Aaah!... the simple life. =)

Lead the Way

I'm feeling like doing a "dear blog" post.
I'd like to share about my life. (for once something totally different haha) It's been a bit about paperwork and trying to decide wether to move to florida or california, or anywhere else.. getting stuff ready to ask for a visa for my boyfriend/fiance, finding my birth certificate. Looking at jobs for people with my education on craiglist, trying to figure what's out there, looking at house prices.... It's not like I have someone advising me about things, or having life plans all set out for me wether i like it or not, like I'm more used to. Sometimes I feel that would actually be welcome now. I'm having to decide wether to take more risk or less risk. I would love to live near San Francisco. It's so me. But i'm also really tired of big cities, and it would be really really expensive there. Being me is expensive. :) Joking.

The big city thing is complicated, because in fact I just miss silence, and being in a beautiful place with no other or few people. And I'd rather be in a good neighbourhood. I loved experiencing that in Florida. And growing up. Being in a bad neighbourhood is not fun, especially for a pisces or someone that tends to blend with the context. It's not stimulating. People tend to be stupid.. that's the truth. I don't mean being poor means being stupid but it does tend to go like that =( I hope this doesn't sound like a bitch capricorn venus talking. Big cities are stimulating. They CAN make u smarter. They CAN make you a better person, because you actually get to live your life and not worry about what neighbours will think or say. Living in a small place you get no such liberty. without liberty there's no creativity, no life. So in cities u get to make mistakes and learn from them. This makes u a better and more loving person. You'll need that once you have to educate your kids to live in a dangerous place. In the islands people are rough, they know litle about how to treat kids, so kids get married as soon as they can to escape.. or they run away. Maybe they'll step on cow shit on the way. That's the worst that can happen there. In a city they'll get killed or be abused in some way for sure.

About the smartness part, the brain is a muscle too. Mine has changed dramatically since living in a tiny island in the Atlantic and moving to a big city and all it implied. Actually after living for 20 years in a village with 200 people, and enjoying it somewhat, it doesn't scare me much to do such a change eventually. But I don't really see my BF doing that, he's a uranian type too. 12th house, but conj the asc. Our needs are very similar there.
As I was trying to say, I'm just tired of lack of quality of life in cities. But if u live in a good neighbourhood, you have the best of both worlds. If u don't have the money for it, be frugal and creative until u do.
this is the advise I'm giving myself and bf, though he doesn't need advice, he's been amazing with all this. Have I mentioned I love him more each day? We have saturn trining our ASC, and I sure feel it. It gets better with time.
We're praying God will open doors and show us the way. We will have enough help I think, from familly and maybe friends, but we need to know what it is that we want. How high to aim...
This reminds me of my astrology consultation..... learning to make saturn my sun's servant. telling him what it is that I want, asking him how to get it. Maybe that is my saturn return's lesson. I'll have the exact return in august.

(Photo is an "Art Car" in San Francisco"! "We're going to san francisco, lallalalal :) )

Story of Stuff

http://www.storyofstuff.com/



The story and dynamic of consumism in the world. This is very important! It takes about 15 minutes to watch.

Biblical fait divers

=) Weird tittle.
Anyway, I decided to share some of my bible culture with my readers. I'll just try to give an overeall understanding of it now, and maybe specify on future posts.

The bible is a collection of 66 books divided in 2 parts, Old Testament and New testament. Testament means Pact. The old testament is about the pact God had made with people, in other words, what they had to do to be ok in His book. The first 5 books of the bible (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy ) are called the Torah, which is the book jewish people use. ( More info here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torah ) The bible is said to be God's word, inspired by him through dozens of different writers, starting with moses and ending in the apostles, in the new testament, so, thousands of years apart from each other.

The NT is the new pact God made with humanity. Unlike the old testament it's not confined to Jewish people, With the new testament God wants to reach everyone. For that effect he sends Jesus to be the scape goat for humanity's sins, enabeling us to return to God. Religions means Religare, re connect. So we're able to reconnect with God now, through Jesus. Salvation is now free, "by grace" : (Ephesians 2:8-9) - "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, that no one should boast." The NT is composed by 4 gospels which are descriptions of Jesus' life and what the taught while he was alive, as seen by 4 different apostles, Paul, Matthew, Luke and John. They are basically the same with a few variations of perspective.
Then the rest of the new testament is composed of letters written by the apostles to the churches they were forming in Greece, Italy... Corinthians I and II for example were letters addressed to the church of Corinth. In these letters they tell the news and answer questions theye've been asked, discuss certain issues concerning problems and doubts, etc.

The last book is Revelation, or Apocalipse which is prophecies written by one apostle (I think John) about visions he had concerning the end of times. In other words, it's about the second coming of Jesus, the signs preceding it, how it will happen, what will happen after, the great tribulation will follow the second coming of Jesus. All the saved souls will rise with Jesus and be having a big party in heaven for 7 years during wich people still on earth will suffer the great tribulation during which the antichrist will reign and all the demons will be set free on earth. It explains how it will be and everything that will happen with creepy details about diseases and etc. At this time people can still be saved if they let themselves be killed by the antichrist by not subjecting to him or adoring him. At the time people will have to have the number of the beast in them, and that will allow them to sell and buy things, food, etc. The first 3 and a half years of the antichrist reigning will be peaceful, he will be the sole commander of the planet... the other 3 and a half years it will be nasty. Then the earth will be renewed, and there will be 1000 years of peace. The animals will be vegetarians, it says the tigers will eat grass. During this time the Chosen Ones - the people that were saved by the time jesus came and met him in the clouds , along with the dead ones that rose from the graves at that time, and had been having a big dinner party in heaven, by now will live in a place called New jerusalem, a place floating in the sky above the new earth and will be judges along with God. Then there will be the final judgement, either beefore or after the 1000 years, I don't remember. And there will be a battle between Jesus and Satan, which Jesus will win, known as the Battle of Armaggedon.

In the old testament there are the most books, some are stories of people's lifes like Job, some are a mix of that and prophecies such as the book of Daniel, Isaac, Ruth, etc... Some are songs and prayers, poems, proverbs made by David and King Salomon, etc. The book of Numbers is the dullest, because it's all about geneology.... Joshua was the son of blablab and blablabla, who was born of bla and bla, who was married to bla and bared children of blablabla and they were called blablablabla ...
Exodus is about the Jews being rescued from being slaves in Egipt and starting their 40 year exodus on their way to the promissed land - Canaan, which is now Israel. They killed many people on their way there. They had a sacred arc with them, as long as they had it with them God promissed they would win every battle. And they did. There are great stories in the old testament.

Well, time for bed. Hope this was interesting.

Nostalgic ramblings

I'm nostalgic of convents and monasteries......
I've always loved them. They're cozy and peaceful.... so, so peaceful. I miss it. I wonder when and where have I experienced that before.
I'm having a flash back of the scent of my grandmother's cellar... the floor was beaten ground, no cement.. the smell was totally unique.. a mix of rat poison ( I never heard of someone with a rat phobia worst then her's) and blue soap... she washed clothes there, by a window in a thing like this http://cache02.stormap.sapo.pt/fotostore02/fotos//f2/31/e4/304755_gvNiK.jpeg, .... the place was packed with old stuff to the ceiling. and it was very dark inside. That house crashed in an earthwake in 98....it's abandoned now. I wonder if it still smells the same. Outside there was a "Eira", a circle of cement with a short wall around it, it was used to work with cereal.. they beat the cereal with sticks to take the skin out or whatever. I think I saw it done once, with dried beans. But mostly it was used by kids to play. My grandmother had a beautiful garden, she won a few awards for it. Nearby there was a land that grew strawberries..... I'm having tiny flashbacks... of strawberries and flowers . Actually I remember it all easily now. I was very happy there. My grandmother used to make white corn bread.....in a huge container.. I made tiny balls with the raw dough and ate it. I remember the taste, it was warm, doughie..hard to explain. We ate alot of "milk soup" wich was simply hot milk with corn bread in pieces and pieces of boiled yams with salt. it is delicious.
I remembered she cooked me something once, with boiled eggs and bread and I loved it, I ate so much I threw up.That wasn't a rare thing in childhood.. Food and me. It's a love-hate relationship.
I gained 2 kgs recently. I've been eating bagels with cream cheese and cookies non stop. I cooked alot today. delicious things. I'm still wondering when the cooking thing will go away. I'm so glad it hasn't though.

I've noticed some very nice older women feel a bit unconfortable about the fact I cook. They feel put down by it, kind of like they need to compete when in fact they hate cooking. It has made me remember just how much people expect from women. Childbirth and being a perfect cook is just too much to ask for, I agree.
I've also been thinking about how the bible says that women were cursed because of Eve's sin... they were cursed to being in pain in childbirth. It is clear that because of it women are supposed to be inferior.. the rib thing doesn't help. (Eve was created out of Adam's rib)
This issue makes me think alot every once in a while, women vs men. They're definatly different. but in the end, complementary.
I need to sleep....

Let's go into scriptures :P

Sirbarret wrote:

Yeah, I wish I could get like a really succint bible summary that was like a
page to get a balanced idea on what it's saying. I mean, yeah, WTF Jesus died
for our sins and whosoever belief in him will not die but have everlasting life
in heaven. Are we, as humans, supposed to be able to conjure up an image of
heaven to be an incentive to believe in something? And is it humanly possible to
believe in something if you can't coherently imagine it?

Me:

EXACTLY.... we can't wrap our minds around that. Why are we born in sin? Why are babies in sin and deserving eternal hell? Because of Eve? it just doesn't make sense. Also I don't understand the story of Satan, the story of evil. He's supposed to have been Lucifer, angel of Light and music, God's favorite. Then he became too ambitious, he wanted to be God, and so he sinned and was cast out of heaven, along with a third of heaven's angels that went with him. I wonder why a third of the angels went with him. i also wonder how an angel goes from being ambitious and jeoulous to wanting to being the impersonation of all evil......

As the story goes, after Eve used her freedom of choice to sin, disobeying God's order not to eat fruit from that tree, it opened the doors to satan to rule over the earth. He took over. And that's why God rejected humankind ever since. He didn't reject the jews, as long as they followed all the rules he set for them. Of course no one is perfect and no one could follow them all perfectly. They had to kill innocent lambs once in a while to wash their sins away. So he sent Jesus, his son, to pay the price, to be the innocent lamb once and for all.

John 3:16 - for God so loved the world that he sent his only son, so that whosoever beleives in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

SirBarret says:

The bible seems in a constant state of being interpreted. There are some Christians that welcome gays, so it's as if the passages that (according to some) discriminate against gays themselves aren't even clear enough. It gets confusing because it's supposed to be like an Ethics for Life, the Universe and Everything...but no one has the answer. One thing I think all religions encourage (but then some religious folks forget that their religion is to encourage) adventure, experimentalism (including meditation), the search for knowledge, kindness etc. However, we often get tripped up in the details.

Me:

Leviticus 18:22"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."

Leviticus is a book in the Old Testament which sets most of the rules by which the Jews should live. This verse means "it is an abomination for a man to lie in bed with another man as if it were a woman". It's pretty clear. It also prohibits a man to have sex with a menstruated woman. She's unclean. I think bald men were also rejected. It has lots of tiny rules about tiny things. To this day Adventists of the Seventh day think they are not supposed to eat shrimp because of a something in Leviticus. They also don't eat pork. Animals without divided feet were considered unclean and not suited for food. Fish with no fins too. I think that's the reason for the shrimp think.~

Of course I've gone to several christians churches for many years and had never heard of God not wanting people to eat shrimp. Each church comes up with their own enphasis on certain things. I think the truth is:

"Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law". (Galatians 3:23-25, NIV)

This means, after Jesus paid the price, people no longer are saved by obeying laws or not, only faith in Jesus saves. So most christian churches don't pay that much attention to the old testament except for the 10 commandements. But the anti gay thing is present in conventional churches.

There are some churches that have other influences, there are new age christian, there are lots of mixed of things, which aren't hardcore bible abiding christian. That's what I learned from this book I just read..Including hindu gurus have moved to the west and claim to have seen Jesus and changed their ideas a bit to suit christianism.. maybe to appeal more easily to people here.

So, yes, there are lots of interpretations, but it's not accepted in christian churches that it should be dynamic. Amongst evangelical christians the main difference is some are pentecostal and some aren't. Meaning the pentecostal believe the baptism in spirit is for today, so people should go through a religious phenomenon called baptism in Holy Spirit, speak in tongues (glossolalia) in churches and show other gifts of the holy spirit, like prophecy, healing, etc. This is the main difference I know about. The adventists seem to be more connected to the old testament, they are very keen on keeping the laws to the point of not eating shrimp or pork.. even though the new testament says God doesn't care what you eat, as long as it's ok with your conscience. A converted jew asked an apostle about this, if they should eat meat in a certain day, since the law forbid it, and that's what the apostle answered... do it, as long as it's ok with your conscience.

Adventists are also very strong about going to church on saturday, not sunday, and not working or causing other people to work on saturday. As sirbarret says, people totally get tripped in details and forget the big picture. But maybe the big picture isn't all that big... there are still dogmas and literary interpretation of the Adam and Eve story as well as many others..*shrug*

The bible is very interesting though, some parts.

WTF....

I'm having a bit of an existential crisis. I haven't had one for a long time.
I could call it a religious crisis, or spiritual crisis.

As I've mentioned here before, I've always cared alot about the God issue. Ever since I was little. I was raised a catholic, we went to church every sunday, and did cathecism, and all those things people do in catholic church. I spent alot of time at my grandma's house and they prayed everyday before bed, for about an hour, the whole familly.
At age 12 I converted to protestantism. I lived it intensily for 9 years. I learned alot about the bible and was very happy during that time. I learned to play guitar and played in the church band, and that was the happiest I've been. It was hard, being a minority sometimes. But that made the church closer to each other.
Anyway, at age 20 I started to study a science and my mind shifted. One day I woke up and God didn't make sense. living a life by faith seemed very irresponsible. Were if I was wrong? What if I died and a different God was there waiting for me, and asking me why was I following a christian God. Hadn't I thought that if I had been born in india I'd be hindu, or being born in a muslin country I'd be a muslim. How could I know that what my culture taught me was the right way? It was very unlikely to be so anyway. God gave me a brain to use so I was going to be held accountable to it. And so forth... I started questioning things, and battled my lack of faith for a year, untill I made the painful and very hard decision to assume my agnosticism and leave my church and my friends, and my life as I knew it. Then I wanted to die, but I didn't. I become terrified of dying, since there was nothing more after life. This was 6/7 years ago.
Eventually I started to find meaning in humanism, in nature, I became a hippie, then I found astrology and reiki and tarot and new age things..... and I was fascinated and extremely happy to have found a meaning for life, an Order to things. My understanding of people and life increased alot. My understanding of me. I began to truely and deeply love me and thus loving others after doing therapy for a few months, with a psychossinthesis therapist (another new age thing). Reiki helped alot too. It made my intuition increase alot, helped to harmonize me, heal, detox....it also opened the doors for regression to past lifes. I had been trying to do that for a couple of years, and 3 days after doing a Reiki iniciation I had a spontaneous and very vivid regression. And others followed.... I also started to contact my Higher self, a sort of guide everyone has. Some people even call it God. I never thought it was God though. I was introduced to lots of things considered new age. Amongst which, Alice Bailey and Djwal Khul... through esoteric astrology.. They seemed very interesting at first sight but not very practical, and that put me off alot, I never really read any book from them, just online things. But my astrology school is highly influenced by them. Later I heard they are satanic. Luciferian. And I was confused.

Fast forward to Now.... My familly is still protestant and they pray for me. They want to re-convert me, which is kind of agonizing for me. My mom was here recently while I was traveling and she left a book in my room called Deceived by the New Age. I started to read it and became really interested.
The author had gone deeply into alot of the same things I have and I respect his view enough to read it to the end.
The problem with all this is that the bible is not new age at all. And the bible predicts that satan will fool alot of people by playing god, and etc. It's really confusing now. I'm confused. The bible sounds pretty outdated for me. The aquarian idea that we reach God directly, by ourselves, going into meditation makes alot more sense then going to God through Jesus, by beleiving he died to save me from sin...... I mean. WTF.....we go to hell for eternity if we're not able to accept this and welcome it? I'm really confused after reading this book. because it made sense to a big degree. He talks about things I know about, the bible and new age things. and he makes sense. It could all be a satan's work. if he does exist. The problem is the author says the bible should be read literally, it's not a metaphor. anyway he does contradict himself a bit too.
I just don't know what to look for next. He says going into meditation opens doors for satan to put messages in your brain : I can't really say that isn't true. I can only say it sounds very unlikely. Basically he says the only way to find truth is in the bible. So does that mean gay people are being blasphemous? That's what the bible says. they're freaks. I know for sure that isn't true. And even if it was. God made them. I know God is Love. I know if there is a God he must honour the fact I've been honestly searching the Truth. And if he does honour that, I can say I know God is love above all. If I ever became a sort of christian again, I'd preach love, and find ways to be able to love more. I wouldn't preach any rules or laws. Because even though they may be good, most of them don't let love be the priority. People start to judge and not love.
I just want to be able to find God and know I've found him.
I problably wasn't eloquent enough writing this as to express the way the bible perfectly predicts how satan could be playing everyone in the world outside conventional christians. And maybe that's because this is such a weird thought for me. I don't know what to think.

My bagel recipe

Cinnamon-raisin Bagel

Ok....so, I wanna get this down before I forget. :P

As usual I didn't use very strict guidelines.

3 to 4 (maybe more) cups of wheat flour

3 spoon of brown sugar

1 full tea spoon of salt

11 grams of dry yeast

half a cup of raisins

1 spoon of cinnamon

water

I put the flour (3 cups) on a bowel, made a hole in the middle -I just wanted to try this hole thing as its in so many dough recipes.....but my way is better, I mix the yeast in water separatly and then add flour - i put the yeast in the midle, the sugar on top, the salt on the flour, not touching the yeast, then put a cup of warm water on the yeast and sugar and let it become moist and foamy for 5 to 10 minutes.

Then begin to mix everything together, i added half a cup of water to the cup that was in.

Then I decided to wash the dough in warm water.. in become slippery and a milky liquid coming out of it, which I drained. This is the carbohidrates coming out and the protein stays.. this makes the dough chewey. I then mixed the dough again, added more flour until it was hard again and let it rise for 40 minutes.

Then i gently pushed the dough down and washed it again! Added a bit more flour, mixed, then added the raisins.

Then added more flour and added the cinnamon. Adding the cinnamon in the end means it is not mixed evenly, and that's exatly how it is at dunking donuts. And if it's all mixed it tastes pretty bad..

about the mixing, in all the process I try to knead the dough alot, because that makes the protein more active, and thus more chewey in the end. so knead as much as you can. Having a machine to help is great.

After adding the cinnamon don't knead much further, just fold it once or twice and punch it. Make balls the size of your palm and punch a hole in the middle with your fingers, make the hole about 3 centimeters large. for those of you that don't use centimeters,

it's about this long ---------------------

Then, I heated a bit of water with more then half a cup of brown sugar, to caramelize it... then added alot more water and let it come to a boil.

then boiled the bagels for 4 minutes..... I think. turning them around at 2 minutes. then covered them in seeds , oatmeal, cornmeal.. whatever you'd like, or nothing at all. put them in a wax paper and bake them for about 30 to 40 minutes at 250º ... (about 450 F Maybe).

Then eat them with LOADS of Philadelphia cream cheese!!! Be happy.

bagels with cream cheese

I became an addict of bagels and cream cheese from dunkin donuts. unfortunatly there is no dunkin donuts in this part of the globe, so I tried to make some myself! There are good tutorial videos on the internet. These have raisins and cinnamon too. :D They were pretty good.

They are supposed to be chewey, and you boil them in caramilized water before baking! And I washed the dough so it become more chewey, that's how people make seitan wich is basically wheat protein. And it actually worked! :D They aren't perfect but pretty damn close. they're crunchy and chewey and great combination with cream cheese!!!!!!!!

The coffee is smelling pretty good too. I'm waiting for my BF. This will be dinner. :D Hope he likes it.

Vintage automobiles

Portuguese and spanish cars:

Video

Las Olas

I still have alot of unposted photos. These I took on monday. I found a cool store in Las Olas with cool stuff.

I'm back in Lisbon

A bit jet lagged. and stressed. Today I have 2 classes at the same time, in different places... I think I'll have to quit one of them.

My friend F. is telling me about the radiations people get in long flights. I'm feeling justified to skip classes today :P

I feel a pain in the chest.. it's heavy, and overall feeling of not quite being here.

It's nice to be back, surprisingly :) the sun is shining.