I'm nostalgic of convents and monasteries......
I've always loved them. They're cozy and peaceful.... so, so peaceful. I miss it. I wonder when and where have I experienced that before.
I'm having a flash back of the scent of my grandmother's cellar... the floor was beaten ground, no cement.. the smell was totally unique.. a mix of rat poison ( I never heard of someone with a rat phobia worst then her's) and blue soap... she washed clothes there, by a window in a thing like this http://cache02.stormap.sapo.pt/fotostore02/fotos//f2/31/e4/304755_gvNiK.jpeg, .... the place was packed with old stuff to the ceiling. and it was very dark inside. That house crashed in an earthwake in 98....it's abandoned now. I wonder if it still smells the same. Outside there was a "Eira", a circle of cement with a short wall around it, it was used to work with cereal.. they beat the cereal with sticks to take the skin out or whatever. I think I saw it done once, with dried beans. But mostly it was used by kids to play. My grandmother had a beautiful garden, she won a few awards for it. Nearby there was a land that grew strawberries..... I'm having tiny flashbacks... of strawberries and flowers . Actually I remember it all easily now. I was very happy there. My grandmother used to make white corn bread.....in a huge container.. I made tiny balls with the raw dough and ate it. I remember the taste, it was warm, doughie..hard to explain. We ate alot of "milk soup" wich was simply hot milk with corn bread in pieces and pieces of boiled yams with salt. it is delicious.
I remembered she cooked me something once, with boiled eggs and bread and I loved it, I ate so much I threw up.That wasn't a rare thing in childhood.. Food and me. It's a love-hate relationship.
I gained 2 kgs recently. I've been eating bagels with cream cheese and cookies non stop. I cooked alot today. delicious things. I'm still wondering when the cooking thing will go away. I'm so glad it hasn't though.
I've noticed some very nice older women feel a bit unconfortable about the fact I cook. They feel put down by it, kind of like they need to compete when in fact they hate cooking. It has made me remember just how much people expect from women. Childbirth and being a perfect cook is just too much to ask for, I agree.
I've also been thinking about how the bible says that women were cursed because of Eve's sin... they were cursed to being in pain in childbirth. It is clear that because of it women are supposed to be inferior.. the rib thing doesn't help. (Eve was created out of Adam's rib)
This issue makes me think alot every once in a while, women vs men. They're definatly different. but in the end, complementary.
I need to sleep....