Pics du jour

Pico visto da Caldeira.
Viagem no Cruzeiro das Ilhas de volta a Horta.
Manhã após a "observaçao de cetáceos", 4 horas ao sol forte, grande escaldao, lábio inferior inchado e m dorido, cara cheia de creme gordo... foi o dia do inicio oficial do meu retorno de saturno. Um dia estranho.

Um peixe Rei.... apanhei-o hoje :/ ia devolve-lo a agua mas ele engoliu o anzol, e n tive coragem de o matar pra tirar.... depois de ele morrer e eu nao conseguir mm tirar o anzol acabei por cortar a linha. meio traumatizante. Mas nao é lindo? ao menos ficou pra foto.. congelei-o. Não sei bem o ke fazer c ele.

Eu e Neptoon...... á saída do museu de scrimshaw do Peter's.

whale watching

summer 2008

De volta :)

not much to tell, era so para oficializar a minha alta.

Dia #14

Agradecimentos á Martinha pela visita e pelos biscoitos* e a Elva e ao Rui pelos rosegones e roupa lavada, e pasta de dentes e etc.

Ontem acabei o antibiotico, e hj o organismo esteve diferente, acordei com infecção urinaria outra vez. Em compensação a bilis ja nao está a sair, sai um liquido rosado e opaco, o que é bom sinal. O medico pareceu indeciso de me dar alta ou não, que é a pior coisa que podia ter feito, é mt dificil nao saber se fico ou vou. estou assim praticamente desde que fui internada.
a infecção dá umas guinadas de dor que me tem deitado abaixo..... enroskei-me na posição fetal e choraminguei.. depois decidi ir para um sitio mais privado e dar largas a minha natureza pisciana. Não chorava tanto desde o assassinato da Lara.
Nem qdo o namoro de quase 1 ano acabou eu chorei a sério, nem quando tinha dores no pós operatorio que me fizeram pensar que estava a morrer, varias x por dia.. até que percebi que por pior que fossem nao matavam. Eram tao fortes que o coração disparava, nao conseguia respirar, e depois tinha vomitos e tremores. Varias vezes durante o dia e noite. Nunca tive vontade de chorar até agora. E o chato é que qdo fico assim não melhoro facilmente. Se me dessem alta hoje ou amanhã o mal ja estava feito, agora não apetece fazer nada.


ps- se nao me derem alta amanha eu fujo =P ou no minimo apanho taxi e vou pra casa e volto á noite. watch me.

Dia #13

Estou cá há 13 dias! (desde 24 de julho) Ontem tirei os agrafos da barriga, eram 9. O dreno está praticamente seco mas ainda nao me dão alta até secar totalmente, porque pode causar infecções se a bílis ficar lá dentro.

Ontem tive uma companheira de quarto, de 26 anos, foi operada a um tumor no intestino, e hoje está nos cuidados intermédios aqui ao lado. E está cá hj uma senhora mais velha de uns 60 anos que vai ser operada a vesicula esta tarde. Veio com uma companheira, penso que são um casal.

Está ca uma senhora que foi operada aos intestinos e teve uma complicaçao, está cheia de coagulos, e m dreno subcutaneo que é mudado todos os dias, está numa situaçao que nao me queria imaginar nela, mas é mt simpatica, e damos uns passeios aki no corredor todos os dias. ontem contei lhe que fiz um bypass, e ela ficou mt contente, pq a filha dela tambem fez ha 2 meses, e ficou radiante de ver os meus resutlados. mostrei-lhe umas fotos antigas. a filha dela é decoradora do querido mudei a casa. lembro de a ver 1 x na tv, é gira, vai ficar toda hot depois de emagrecer tudo.

Sinto falta de comer lasanha, seitan com natas e cogumelos, bolachas rosegones, café e ver a Oprah e qq canal que não os gerais. E sinto falta da minha cama e alguma privacidade.
De resto o staff aqui é mt querido.
O médico que está ca hj é açoriano. é fofo. os pacientes tb são queridos e simpaticos, pessoas mt boas. fico a pensar que so acontecem desgraças a pessoas boas.
tou cheia de fome... perdi uns 4 kgs parece-me. ha pouco tempo a roupa ja me apertava, e agora eh o oposto, os ossos a espetarem no pescoço. Estive uns 5 dias sem comer , a soro, e agora sao refeiçoes normais.. significa ke passo fome em alturas como agora, e daki a pouco vem um almoço gigante, e eu como um nico e nao aguento mais, e depois passo fome outra x :P

Queria agradecer ao ppl que me visitou: Luis M., Herbie, Elva e Rui, Ruben, e principalmente o Fernando que veio cá varias vezes e ficou mt tempo.
Tou a ouvir as rodas do carrinho do almoço :P é a minha dica.

update

estou internada desde dia 25, fui operada de urgencia á vesicula
e houve uma complicaçaozita, agora tenho de esperar ate se resover. os medicos dizem k eh imprevisivel. acho que mais uns dias.
entretanto ontem e hj apanho um nico de rede dum vizinho do hospital. se puder volto a escrever depois.

Over The Rainbow

E nem tudo são desgraças :)

Acabei o curso! :) Tive 17 a estatística! hurray!

Uma desgraça nunca vem só

É bem verdade este ditado...

Estou de luto pelo fim da relação em que estive no ultimo ano, pelo fim dos planos que fiz para o futuro, pelo fim dos amigos que comecei a fazer, por uma vida que eu gostava de ter tido. Pelo fim das ilusões, da ingenuidade, da esperança.

Fecha-se um caminho, abrem-se muitos,desconhecidos e talvez alguns deles me possam fazer mais feliz do que este faria.

Sinto-me mt triste... por todas as perdas que isto implica.
Sinto-me zangada pela falta de comunicação e preparação, pela falta de coragem ou de conscienca para assumir os medos e receios no tempo devido, pela falta de maturidade desta escolha que não foi a minha, pelo conjunto de circunstancias que levou a que tantas pessoas todas elas boas e inocentes se magoem tanto.

Estou determinada a nao cometer os mesmos erros e acreditar mais nos meus instintos.

Mother Blackie

This is Blackie with my nieces :)
She absolutly loves children, from age 1 to 10. She stares at them and sits next to them if they are small. if they're bigger she wants to play. she protects them.
my mother is telling me some cute stories of her and my nieces. She's the best dog ever.
She went back to the azores yesterday. I'll see her in a week.

New post

I've been wondering how would it be if it had happened to me.. the murderer near my home. Instead of Lara... I could have been walking there, like I have many times.

By the way, I think they're found the killer. It's a guy that has raped a girl before, a mute girl, he broke her arm. He was seen on his motobike at the time.. it happened between noon and 2 o'clock, he was carrying something, hiding something. I think it was him. He problably meant to rape her and then one thing lead to another, she had a slow death.

Anyway, maybe it's my piscean victim side, but I think it's very likely it would take a couple days until someone went looking for me.
The fact this become so public, she become famous, makes me think of her stellium in transpersonal signs. they problably were near her ascendent... her eyes are just like a friend of mine's who is cancer with capricorn rising, and her mouth is just like an aquarius I know. the transpersonal planets have an effect beyond the individual level... whatever...
i need to go study. sorry and thanks.
i think i'm getting tired of writing in english. should i change back to portuguese?

Life after death

Not trying to play around with semantics (which I find a very annoying habit some people entertain), and fully ackowledging death (in this as in most contextes) refers to physical death, I'll say I beleive there is no end of life. Life changes forms: bodies, shapes, levels, Forms are Maya =illusion. Change is the only death there is. The life core in us keeps existing even if the body dies.

I'm not minimizing physical death at all, like most people with a pseudo-spiritual perspective tend to do: "oh I'm not afraid of death at all, I can't wait to be with God"
I'm actually defending otherwise.... In my spiritual journey so far I've found that the spiritual world isn't that separate from the human one, the more human we are the closer to our soul we are, at least at some point in evolution.this is a very debatable subject... tradicionally we're taught that spiritual people don't have sex, don't enjoy food, don't enjoy life, the more they punish they're bodies and their emotions the closer they are to their spirit. I beg to difer. I think if you're in a spiritual level so high you're not meant to live things that come natural to having a body then u have no business being incarnated.

Under a light hypnotic state I've regressed to 2 deaths of past incarnations. One of them I was about 30 years old, died in a road accident, I re-lived a feeling of shear panic, of knowing I was crashing and then sudden absolute peace. Having read many books about regressions, I quickly figured I was re-living a death, and I tried to look back to that life and do a review of major events, but I just remembered the accident in memory, with no panic this time. and then I felt a very light sorrow for having died that young.

Second event, I re-lived a death by drowning which happened at about 8 years old as kid with lots of big ambitions and I felt very angry for having died and lost all the opportunities I had planned for that life. I rebeled against "destiny" or whatever it was that made the ship sink..it wasn't directed at anything actually, but I just did not accept this death, as the ego of a kid and as a soul.

So what makes sense to me, is that death is rarely a part of our soul's plans for life... it's a major set back in our evolution, because we have to start over alot of things, and it means coming back again and more often, everytime we died before our time. I beleive the physical death is often as unwanted by our souls as our survival instincts/reflexes would make us beleive. -> Unless it's a natural death or a planned death. I don't beleive at all that crimes are ever part of the souls plan, it's a crime to Man and to God.

world gone nuts...

I'm not in favor of death penalty, which isn't to say I'm not in favour of violent criminals being subject to popular justice, if it helps anyone else feel better about things.

The reason I'm not in favor of death penalty is of course because people fail and lots of innocent people are killed because of death penalty. The reason I'm in favor of popular justice is because I'm beleiving people will know for sure who the criminal is, and because I don't care much about the criminals rights if it makes the victims feel any better.. it's their karma to take if they think it's worth it.
I would like to be able to make that choice if someone killed (violently like in Lara's case) someone I loved. I wouldn't care if I went to jail or even died.

I'm talking about this because this is something I just learned about myself, living through this tragic story. I now understand "popular justice" very well. Theoretically/rationally I'm against it, because it may lead to more problems and all.... and irrationally and emotionally it's something I would do and not regret.

I just found out a guy my age killed himself. His familly is friends with mine , but I didn't know him. He was working with my uncle in the states.. but didn't adapt well. He was problably very depressed.

It's really important people have psychological help and are informed about depression. I wish I'd had a chance to talk to him, and to people that think about suicice. depression is delusion. Anyway. my mom's in shock. She knows the parents well. The world is crazy.....

I saw lots of couples fighting out loud in the street today. WTF...

"news"

http://ww1.rtp.pt/acores/index.php?article=3163&visual=3&layout=10&tm=7

Here's the link to the news on RTP Açores about the crime...
it's in portuguese.

this morning people were saying they had found the killer, but not. they just interrogated a few people and let them go.

R.I.P. Lara

This is the natal chart and transits of Lara, a 19 year old girl that was raped and killed near my house in the azores yesterday morning..... her body was found in the woods in the afternoon by her father and uncle.

I didn't know her, I know her familly and everyone that knows her... the crime happened in a desert road crossing woods by my house. no one lives there, only 1 inhabited house half kilometer by. She was on her way to work at a restaurant. She was going to college in a few months. She seems really intelligent and interesting and beautiful. by her hi5 page i figure she wanted to study physics. I bet she was a great student.

Everyone's in shock. Her 20 yr old cousin and neighbour died in an accident 2 years ago... his father is her uncle that found her. My sister went by the place that afternoon and heard the men screaming in the woods. I keep imagining it and crying my eyeballs out. She was half naked, raped, and with 3 holes in the head.

This is the island's 9/11 event. Nothing will be the same. Inocense has been lost.

I meant to talk about her transits..... notice Saturn and Mars conjunct each other and conjunct the south node. these are the strongest planets in her chart. Mars rules her sun mercury and venus and all those are square saturn in capricorn. I can't see her chart as I write this. I don't know her time of birth, so the ascendent might be wrong.
I think the man that did this won't make it to jail alive. I hope they cut all his limbs and throw him in the ocean.

Log

Guy says:
still awake?

Me says:
yes

Guy says:
not sleepy?

Me says:
sleepy yes...

Guy says:
but...?

Me says:
But when I'm sorta depressed I get kinda anxious
and I get an urge to search
for a cure...
a distraction

Guy says:
What kinda cure?

Me says:
ideally, spiritual illumination, mas normally I stick to some entertainment

Guy says:
ok
If I can help in someway....
just ask....

Me says:
I wanted some inspiration to write..

Guy says:
Maybe I could be your "ninfo"....

Me says:
no thanks

Guy says:
ok....
But what do u write?

Me says:
a blog, observations and such

Meme

Devilmood had this meme in her blog.
25 questions but only one word to answer each of them.
Here's my go at it...


1. Your cell phone? forgotten
2. Your significant other? Caring
3. Your hair? ok
4. Your mother? undefined
5. Your father? critical
6. Your favorite thing? nature
7. Your dream last night? fait-divers
.8. The room you're in? livingroom
9. Your fear? rejection
10. What you're not? cynical
11. The last thing you did before logging on? walked the dog
12. Where did you grow up? island
13. Favourite drink? mango lassi
14. What are you wearing? pajama
15. Your TV? is ignored
16. Your pet? blackie
17. Your computer ? my best friend
18. Favourite place? sintra
19. Your mood right now? bit anguished
20. Missing someone? not really
.21. Something you're not wearing? shoes
22. Love someone? I do
23. Your favorite color? turquoise
24. Kids? scary
25. Your life? weird

dressed up

This was at a wedding a couple weeks ago. I hadn't dressed up like that in many years!
I saw that dress on tv hostess and I seeked it for weeks. I finally got it on sale which was really lucky. I love it.

Rules in love

I went to see the movie Sex and the city tonight. I loved it.
At some point near the end, in a sort of conclusion, Sarah says "we write our own vows for a marriage, why don't we make our own rules?"
and this reminded me of something I wrote a few years ago, when i started to feel the first saturn in the 7th influences, and I started thinking about relationships. I actually made a blog dedicated to thinking about it. I never did write much there. I wondered why do people enter relationships without discussing or agreeing with wich rules they want to live by, why not adapt to each other whatever rules makes both happier.
It does take a minimum of emotional health to do it, but most people have that potential. to adapt and learn, and forgive, and start again, understand.
I started to think about this because I knew too many guys that lied to their girlfriends about things they needed in a relationship but never told them about it, because they weren't "acceptable" to the girls. Then i wondered why would a guy accept to be in a relationship were the rules she accepts are not rules he knows he can live happily by. it's never an honest relationship, it's always a lie, and my sag moon just thinks that's so obviously not-a-way-to-get-anywhere-good that I just don't understand it, it's beyond me. And so I decided to just worry about my own relationships and what I can do to make them honest and real.

So in this movie the girls were following rules that weren't their own and it made them miserable and then that changed and things fell into place.
Why do people take for granted rules that aren't their own in such personal things as relationships?