I took a test online here http://www.beliefnet.com/story/80/story_8058_1.html
to figure what religion do my beleifs resemble. Turns out I got 100% neo-pagan. I had never heard of it before, but it's true. I identify with all of the following:
Neo-Pagans are a community of faiths bringing ancient Pagan and magickal traditions to the modern age--including mostly Wicca but also Druidism, Asatru, Shamanism, neo-Native American, and more. Neo-Pagan is an umbrella term for various and diverse beliefs with many elements in common. Some Neo-Pagans find no incongruence practicing Neo-Paganism along with adherence to another faith, such as Christianity or Judaism.
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Belief in DeitySome believe in a Supreme Being. Many believe in God and Goddess--a duality. Many believe there are countless spirit beings, gods and goddesses, in the cosmos and within all of nature--God is all and within all; all are one God. The Great Mother Earth, or Mother Nature, is highly worshipped. Divinity is immanent and may become manifest within anyone at any time through various methods.
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IncarnationsNo human incarnations are worshipped in particular, as all of nature and the universe are considered embodiments of God and Goddess, or of gods and goddesses, worthy of respect, reverence, or worship.
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Origin of Universe and LifeGenerally, there is no conflict between observations revealed through science and Neo-Pagan beliefs on origins of the physical universe and of man. Many believe in a supreme intelligence that created a duality of God/Goddess who then created a spirit world of gods and goddesses as well as all of the universe and nature.
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After DeathMany believe in reincarnation after some rest and recovery in the "Otherworld." There is generally no concept of hell as a place of punishment, but some believe wrongdoing can trap the soul in state of suffering after death. Some (Wicca) believe the soul joins their dead ancestors who watch over and protect their family. Some believe that life energy continues in some, if unknown, form. Some believe in various spiritual resting places. Many say we don't or can't know what happens after death.
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Why Evil?"Evil" is imbalance. Most believe there is no evil but rather that people sometimes make mistakes. Wrongdoing results when we forget we are one with the universal spirit.
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SalvationThe concept of "salvation" is essentially irrelevant; rather the belief that people can attain spiritual balance and harmony with each other and nature. The path includes group ceremonies, dances, songs/chants, prayers, meditation, trance, altered states of consciousness, the metaphysical, magic, invoking or evoking deities or spirits, Tantric practices. Intercessors are commonly used: psychics, seers, shamans, tarot, Oui-Ja board. Ethical choices are influenced by a belief that one is rewarded or punished within this or after this lifetime for one's choices and an ethical code to do no harm.
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Undeserved SufferingMost do not believe in Satan or any spirit being as the cause of suffering. Some believe in a karma-like principle, that choosing to live a life of wrongdoing and pain will naturally result in suffering in this or later lifetimes. Many view suffering as a result of spiritual imbalance in one's life or on the planet or in the universe. The focus is generally on healing suffering rather than answering definitively why it exists.
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Contemporary IssuesAbortion is not condemned, as there is no official doctrine; beliefs about abortion range the full spectrum. Views on divorce, homosexuality, and gender equality are generally very supportive of human differences, equality, and personal choice. Many believe that involvement in community action, especially regarding environmental concerns, is integral to the belief in human interdependence and worship of the Earth Mother.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Ugh
I'm glad I have this blog where i can let my dark side loose sometimes. I'm trying hard to get in touch with it and feel confortable, it's hard. I don't know how to make it.
I'm having major saturn in the 7th issues. Mars has just entered my 7th too. I've got this neighbour, a women in her 40's living in the building next to mine. She spents her days by the window ironing clothes, from 9 to 5. She makes a lunch break. She seems capricornish, a very low level one, the frustrated and obsessed with rules kind. When I take the dog out I usually let her off the leash so I don't have to be 2 feet near her when she pees, and so she can run and etc. There's usually no one outside, like today. This woman sees the dog without a leash and she freaks out, says "I've told you I don't want this dog out here without a leash, I'm calling the police, you must be retarded..etc" She's getting more pissed off because I usually ignore her, I haven't disrespected her at all, I just ignore her and move away with the dog, I ignore her because I don't talk to people I don't know if they aren't nice to me, why should I? I imagine this is normal for her. And she doesn't think it's normal that I ignore her like the rude nutcase she is. She's threatened my friends that took the dog for a walk when I'm not at home, and she's told them I must be retarded. this is her impression on me, for not talking back at her. She must think either I'm retarded or I'm despizing her, so being retarded seems more likely. She thinks the street is hers problably. That's what I asked her today, if she thinks the street is hers. She says the police will come to my house to get me.
She's inside her house shouting out the window, I can't iamgine she's afraid the dog will fly into her window and bite her in the ass... the dog isn't agressive at all. I just don't understand what her problem is.
anyway, Ignoring her doesn't seem viable anymore. I'll have to deal with this everyday or adapt my life so she never sees my dog again wich is hard if she's at the window all day long.
I'm really poisoned with anger by now and I keep thinking what I'll say to her. I want to kill her with words, I really do. I want to make her shit in her pants. I'm having all this hate feelings and it's making me think of my saturn opposite mercury. I'm very insecure with words. this doesn't apply much to writing, because writing is a very saturnine thing, but talking is totally different. this also made me miss my ex scorpio friends, who had a really poisonous mouth, they would call her all sorts of things. And i'm thinking why don't I do that? would it make me feel better? I have no idea. I've never done that. I think it would. Except it sounds really silly and agravating, to go down to someone's level and say mean things, even though you mean it. But if it made me feel better I definatly would.
I'm taking time to let this be in my life and think about it because I think this is a lesson I should learn. A lesson to not transcend things, to actually be incarnated and be affected by people like I am, and learn to respond. I just don't think there is a way to win in such situation. I know I'm sick of people using me to get their dirt out. This woman is frustrated with her life, who wouldn't be? I bet she's very afraid of many things, and that's what moves her. But why should I put up with it? Do i have a choice? Meaning, will I feel better? also, I have a really strong mars and pluto. If I declare war I'll go all the way until the police arrests me, I'll could loose control. I'm considering that too. Anyway, next time i'll tell her to mind her own business and we'll take it from there, maybe she'll back off. She doesn't bug the nighbours dogs, I'm sure they've told her some nice things. People from Lisbon are very used to dealing with people like this. I wonder if it's a local thing.
I wonder if this is the time to get into a fight. with saturn in the 7th and all. It's opposite my sun exactly right now. I'm very unconfortable. ... I have aries in the 3rd house, and neighbours really get to me, they do. I go balistic. But being who I am, i don't act on it, and then I think about it for days, weeks. and that's not good. it's not good.........
sorry if all these bad vibes rub off on you. I hope not. I just needed to vent.
I'm having major saturn in the 7th issues. Mars has just entered my 7th too. I've got this neighbour, a women in her 40's living in the building next to mine. She spents her days by the window ironing clothes, from 9 to 5. She makes a lunch break. She seems capricornish, a very low level one, the frustrated and obsessed with rules kind. When I take the dog out I usually let her off the leash so I don't have to be 2 feet near her when she pees, and so she can run and etc. There's usually no one outside, like today. This woman sees the dog without a leash and she freaks out, says "I've told you I don't want this dog out here without a leash, I'm calling the police, you must be retarded..etc" She's getting more pissed off because I usually ignore her, I haven't disrespected her at all, I just ignore her and move away with the dog, I ignore her because I don't talk to people I don't know if they aren't nice to me, why should I? I imagine this is normal for her. And she doesn't think it's normal that I ignore her like the rude nutcase she is. She's threatened my friends that took the dog for a walk when I'm not at home, and she's told them I must be retarded. this is her impression on me, for not talking back at her. She must think either I'm retarded or I'm despizing her, so being retarded seems more likely. She thinks the street is hers problably. That's what I asked her today, if she thinks the street is hers. She says the police will come to my house to get me.
She's inside her house shouting out the window, I can't iamgine she's afraid the dog will fly into her window and bite her in the ass... the dog isn't agressive at all. I just don't understand what her problem is.
anyway, Ignoring her doesn't seem viable anymore. I'll have to deal with this everyday or adapt my life so she never sees my dog again wich is hard if she's at the window all day long.
I'm really poisoned with anger by now and I keep thinking what I'll say to her. I want to kill her with words, I really do. I want to make her shit in her pants. I'm having all this hate feelings and it's making me think of my saturn opposite mercury. I'm very insecure with words. this doesn't apply much to writing, because writing is a very saturnine thing, but talking is totally different. this also made me miss my ex scorpio friends, who had a really poisonous mouth, they would call her all sorts of things. And i'm thinking why don't I do that? would it make me feel better? I have no idea. I've never done that. I think it would. Except it sounds really silly and agravating, to go down to someone's level and say mean things, even though you mean it. But if it made me feel better I definatly would.
I'm taking time to let this be in my life and think about it because I think this is a lesson I should learn. A lesson to not transcend things, to actually be incarnated and be affected by people like I am, and learn to respond. I just don't think there is a way to win in such situation. I know I'm sick of people using me to get their dirt out. This woman is frustrated with her life, who wouldn't be? I bet she's very afraid of many things, and that's what moves her. But why should I put up with it? Do i have a choice? Meaning, will I feel better? also, I have a really strong mars and pluto. If I declare war I'll go all the way until the police arrests me, I'll could loose control. I'm considering that too. Anyway, next time i'll tell her to mind her own business and we'll take it from there, maybe she'll back off. She doesn't bug the nighbours dogs, I'm sure they've told her some nice things. People from Lisbon are very used to dealing with people like this. I wonder if it's a local thing.
I wonder if this is the time to get into a fight. with saturn in the 7th and all. It's opposite my sun exactly right now. I'm very unconfortable. ... I have aries in the 3rd house, and neighbours really get to me, they do. I go balistic. But being who I am, i don't act on it, and then I think about it for days, weeks. and that's not good. it's not good.........
sorry if all these bad vibes rub off on you. I hope not. I just needed to vent.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
veggie week and more
I've been busy and stressed this week, but not necessarily productive.
I made it through vegetarian week just fine. I cooked some wonderful seitan yesterday and a mix os whole grains, and some couscous with coconut which i just had for breakfast.
I watched La graine et le mulet a couple days ago, it's about fish couscous, people trying to open a restaurant where that would be the main dish, and it made me want to eat couscous. It's really simple to make, and tastes quite nice.
I put 3 measures of water to 1 of couscous. first let the water boil, with some salt and I put more sugar then salt, to make it a bit sweet. after boiling, take it out of the fire and put the couscous and shredded coconut in, and mix it for a while until it grows , then add a couple spoons of butter and put it back in the fire and mix until it's dryer. Then I put it in muffin shaped things and baked it for a bit. to make it crunchy on top.
Anyway, I love Blackie with all my heart, she's the best dog ever. She was attacked yesterday, by a stupid german shepperd, half her size, and she didn't attack back, which made me proud of her, she ran away, but she got bitten in her cheek and ear. It was really upsetting. The owner of the dog was afraid to push his dog away! Idiot! Blackie never attacked back, she just tried to escape and scare the dog. She could have killed that dog in no time.
I remember many years ago I had 2 big dogs that got into very nasty fights sometimes, they almost killed each other. One of them had been trained to hunt foxes or something, he came to our house when he was really old, and he killed a few of our cats. He bit me 2. I have a scar on my finger from it. He was called Whiskey. Anyway, the dogs where about to eat each other, and I was in panic. We had a huge thing nearby with water inside, a plastic thing, about 1 meter diameter half full of water, and the adreanline made me strong enough to pick it up and throw the water on the dogs, and they imediatly ran in different directions. I felt like a hero.
After the dog attacked blackie, she ran away, then I gave her some water and petted her, then we played with rocks again. And the other dog showed up again, and I didn't let her come near, I tried to scare her (it was another female) and she kept coming, so I threw some water on her and she ran away :D just a drop of water was enough. So if you ever have problems with dogs just throw water on them, and they'll run.
Back to the vegetarian week issue, I was watching videos on youtube about farm chickens..... to say it was horrific is quite fair..... horrific to imagine living beings treated like that. You'll have to see for yourself. It's also horrific to imagine eating meat that was treated like that, and problably full of diseases and bad nutrition. I hope to never buy non organic eggs again and avoid chicken meat.
I'm sharing a video of the battery chickens. I saw lots and lots of videos like that one, this kind of chicken treatment seems to be mainstream and totally legal! So it's really important people boicot this and only buy organic eggs or chicken meat from people that have chickens in goodconditions, where they are free and treated with respect. Both for their sake and our health. I beleive food has energy and I beleive in karma, the energy you create will come back in some way. So I'm aware of this now. It's really sad what animals go through. I felt really good about not contributing to it this week, and about having payed twice the price I usually do for a pack of organic eggs instead of the other ones.
I wish I knew how chickens are treated in Portugal, these videos are about the states and england, and the laws there.. human slaughter law. I wish I knew how things are done here. I'll try to find out.
I made it through vegetarian week just fine. I cooked some wonderful seitan yesterday and a mix os whole grains, and some couscous with coconut which i just had for breakfast.
I watched La graine et le mulet a couple days ago, it's about fish couscous, people trying to open a restaurant where that would be the main dish, and it made me want to eat couscous. It's really simple to make, and tastes quite nice.
I put 3 measures of water to 1 of couscous. first let the water boil, with some salt and I put more sugar then salt, to make it a bit sweet. after boiling, take it out of the fire and put the couscous and shredded coconut in, and mix it for a while until it grows , then add a couple spoons of butter and put it back in the fire and mix until it's dryer. Then I put it in muffin shaped things and baked it for a bit. to make it crunchy on top.
Anyway, I love Blackie with all my heart, she's the best dog ever. She was attacked yesterday, by a stupid german shepperd, half her size, and she didn't attack back, which made me proud of her, she ran away, but she got bitten in her cheek and ear. It was really upsetting. The owner of the dog was afraid to push his dog away! Idiot! Blackie never attacked back, she just tried to escape and scare the dog. She could have killed that dog in no time.
I remember many years ago I had 2 big dogs that got into very nasty fights sometimes, they almost killed each other. One of them had been trained to hunt foxes or something, he came to our house when he was really old, and he killed a few of our cats. He bit me 2. I have a scar on my finger from it. He was called Whiskey. Anyway, the dogs where about to eat each other, and I was in panic. We had a huge thing nearby with water inside, a plastic thing, about 1 meter diameter half full of water, and the adreanline made me strong enough to pick it up and throw the water on the dogs, and they imediatly ran in different directions. I felt like a hero.
After the dog attacked blackie, she ran away, then I gave her some water and petted her, then we played with rocks again. And the other dog showed up again, and I didn't let her come near, I tried to scare her (it was another female) and she kept coming, so I threw some water on her and she ran away :D just a drop of water was enough. So if you ever have problems with dogs just throw water on them, and they'll run.
Back to the vegetarian week issue, I was watching videos on youtube about farm chickens..... to say it was horrific is quite fair..... horrific to imagine living beings treated like that. You'll have to see for yourself. It's also horrific to imagine eating meat that was treated like that, and problably full of diseases and bad nutrition. I hope to never buy non organic eggs again and avoid chicken meat.
I'm sharing a video of the battery chickens. I saw lots and lots of videos like that one, this kind of chicken treatment seems to be mainstream and totally legal! So it's really important people boicot this and only buy organic eggs or chicken meat from people that have chickens in goodconditions, where they are free and treated with respect. Both for their sake and our health. I beleive food has energy and I beleive in karma, the energy you create will come back in some way. So I'm aware of this now. It's really sad what animals go through. I felt really good about not contributing to it this week, and about having payed twice the price I usually do for a pack of organic eggs instead of the other ones.
I wish I knew how chickens are treated in Portugal, these videos are about the states and england, and the laws there.. human slaughter law. I wish I knew how things are done here. I'll try to find out.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
World Vegetarian Week 2008
I will do it. I totally agree with him...Wish I was veggier more often...:|
Friday, May 16, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Blackie, the rottweiller
here's blackie, fully awaken now!
She was smelling cat accross the wall.
She was staring at the rock I was about to throw. She loves to fetch rocks. Balls or sticks she doesn't care for at all, only rocks. She'll go fetch the rock and bring it back for another go untill she's tired which can take a while. It was a great day though. I brushed her coat today, she really needed it.
In Portugal it's illegal to have a rottweiller that hasn't been castrated or steriliezed, and to walk them without a mouth protection so they won't bite, and a leash... they're tryign to exterminate the race. It's absurd.
I let her walk freely, because her leash is really short, and besides no one seems bothered by her. She minds her own business. She played with another dog this morning which was fun. Most dogs around here aren't very social. She's not very predictable though. You can't mess with her alot if she doesn't know you, she threatens to bite. I can mess with her all i want and she won't, but she thinks about it... She loves to ride in the car with her head in the wind, and yesterday I took her for a litle ride and then she hadn't had enough, she wouldn't leave the car. I had to force her. And I could tell she was upset about it, she knows she's stronger then me, but she respects me enough to not fight too hard. It was upsetting because I was sick yesterday and didn't need that kind of behavior from her. usually I would've closed the door and let her sit in the car a couple hours until she got sick of it or thirsty. All in all we're doing fine, she's sweet and very playful.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Meet Blackie
My familly's 100 pound rottweiller. She was meant to be shipped to brazil today, along with my mother, but she was missing an authorization from the brazilian consulate... no one told us about that. So she didn't go. She camae from the azores yesterday, she took a muscle relaxer. She took a few more this morning as she was supposed to be asleep during the flight.. Now she's snoring in the floor next to me.
She has a pink tongue. She's likes to run after rocks. The "plan" is to ship her back to the azores on sunday. I'll keep her here meantime.Life II - saturn in the 7th
Devil Mood said...This happened exactly a year ago! It was hellish. I felt exactly that that before, like I didn't know anything at all about relationships, truely. This must be normal then, before the return. But maybe you won't have to learn the same things as I did. I made very silly mistakes, out of naiveness. I've seen very few people that would make the same kind of mistake.
Did that happen recently? That sounds like hell. But I really enjoyed reading that, even though I don't have much wisdom to offer (from one saturn in the 7th to another lol - we should write a book with this title, don't you think?)
Oh the lessons I'll have to learn until my return. I feel like I haven't learnt a single one, to be honest.
With saturn in the 7th you'll see the worst in other people, and hopefully feel at peace with yourself, and learn from naiveness mistakes. I learned I need to be aware of other people and not project myself onto them, because no matter how good the things I project onto them, if it's not reality it will never turn out to be a good thing. People don't feel good if u expect them to be good, because they might not be used to being good... or not want it.
Also they problably feel ignored if u deal with them in a non realistic way, and they're right. People need to be seen as they are. For me it doesn't come natural to look at someone giving out weird signs and know what's on their minds. I've always thought people were like me. This is what most people will do. naive people. This is a terrible fault for someone on a psych route. It's a distorted form of empathy.
Another big effect of all this was I learned to value really good people. Good men. I've always liked nice boys, but not too nice, that was boring. Now that changed, nice is not boring, it's valuable. I'm so glad this changed, because now I've found a good man, the kind I know I can trust forever.Before i wouldn't be able to deal with all this niceness.
Anyway, Saturn is hard but the lessons are pure gold. =) It's totally worth the tears you cry.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Life
These are my current transits:
Low energies - Saturn opposition Sun: Mid September 2007 until mid June 2008
Elegance and taste - Jupiter conjunction Venus: Mid March 2008 until mid November 2008
Setting sail - Uranus trine Uranus: Beginning of April 2008 until beginning of March 2009
Crazy - Uranus square Moon: Mid April 2008 until mid March 2009
Half-hearted efforts - Neptune conjunction Mars: End of April 2008 until end of November 2010
Pruning your life : Saturn conjunction Saturn: 21 August 2008 until 6 September 2008
Maybe because I'm exhausted... but I feel on the edge... like I won't take crap anymore, from familly...... nevermind other people. This fits the "uranus square moon" description. Hidden tensions coming to surface. I don't feel it's a nervous reaction, like it would be if I was just tired. I feel meditative.
I feel afraid of taking crap from people and loosing my mind, I feel I'll have to choose if that happens. Me, my life, my sanity or letting them have their way. And the choice is easy now. I'm not afraid of consequences anymore. I have backup, and if it fails, then it's not worth hanging on anyway, so it's ok.
On a different subject... (this night has been prolific in bad memories)
I've also been thinking the first and very important lesson this saturn return in the 7th has brought was quite unpleasent but totally necessary, since I was way out of touch with reality. It made me learn the hard way that people can hate me, for one, and not tell me about it. I wasn't aware of that at all. How can people hate me? I'm a people pleaser. I'm nice. My whole familly is nice. not to each other, but to others, yes. I grew up surrounded by very good people, and I learned very late in life about the bad people out there.
So, saturn is in the 7th, exactly conjunct the DC, opposing my sun and mercury. This particular situation was one of those almost movie like scenes, where I was in a public bathroom in school and 2 colleagues came in not knowing I was there, and one of them (which I considered a friend) was trashing me like you couldn't imagine. The other was trying to calm her down. I can't even remember exactly how it felt, it was so traumatic. I remembered I went through a pletora of emotions, confusion, embarrassement, then I became very angry, and defeated at the same time. This was the moment I learned this can happen. People can imagine things about me that are not true. (That was a saturnine person by the way)
Two days before a guy I thought I loved and thought loved me back had left my house never to return, or talk to me again, Because of something aparently harmless I said impulsively. I had been crying so hard I thought I would die. I had just gotten the energy to try and face normal life, try to get my mind off that very disturbing event. And now this. It was felt so intensily. It was marked in my cells. I hardly recall consciently how it felt, but the effects are very much with me to this day, and I'm very very grateful. It made me much more careful, much more self protective, which I wasn't at all before. Valueble lesson.
I also got vaccined against being impulsive in relationships for good. Talk about a saturn in the 7th start. It made me not bare the idea of ending a relationship again, exposing myself to any more people, meeting famillies etc, to have it all end in an impulse. all that could go wrong in relationships did at this time. And I was all ears for saturn...."saturn, please teach me how to never have none of this happen again". I'm wiser now. Oh, this didn't make me hate people more. It made me appreciate some people alot more. Opposites always come together. By becoming aware there are nasty people, I value good people more. I became more realistic in relationships, and it stabilizes me alot. I learned I am the best barometer for finding good people. Now when I'm confused about someones good intentions I ask myself, what would I do in this situation, and usually if it's not what the person did, I don't take too long to figure out what their intention might be.
I wasn't born very perceptive of people's intentions, but I'm learning. I like it. I have pluto, I will survive. It pays to be good, I've always known that. I felt very at peace with myself during that transit. It was pretty intense and complex. I wonder what will happen in august... THE saturn return. o_O
Low energies - Saturn opposition Sun: Mid September 2007 until mid June 2008
Elegance and taste - Jupiter conjunction Venus: Mid March 2008 until mid November 2008
Setting sail - Uranus trine Uranus: Beginning of April 2008 until beginning of March 2009
Crazy - Uranus square Moon: Mid April 2008 until mid March 2009
Half-hearted efforts - Neptune conjunction Mars: End of April 2008 until end of November 2010
Pruning your life : Saturn conjunction Saturn: 21 August 2008 until 6 September 2008
Maybe because I'm exhausted... but I feel on the edge... like I won't take crap anymore, from familly...... nevermind other people. This fits the "uranus square moon" description. Hidden tensions coming to surface. I don't feel it's a nervous reaction, like it would be if I was just tired. I feel meditative.
I feel afraid of taking crap from people and loosing my mind, I feel I'll have to choose if that happens. Me, my life, my sanity or letting them have their way. And the choice is easy now. I'm not afraid of consequences anymore. I have backup, and if it fails, then it's not worth hanging on anyway, so it's ok.
On a different subject... (this night has been prolific in bad memories)
I've also been thinking the first and very important lesson this saturn return in the 7th has brought was quite unpleasent but totally necessary, since I was way out of touch with reality. It made me learn the hard way that people can hate me, for one, and not tell me about it. I wasn't aware of that at all. How can people hate me? I'm a people pleaser. I'm nice. My whole familly is nice. not to each other, but to others, yes. I grew up surrounded by very good people, and I learned very late in life about the bad people out there.
So, saturn is in the 7th, exactly conjunct the DC, opposing my sun and mercury. This particular situation was one of those almost movie like scenes, where I was in a public bathroom in school and 2 colleagues came in not knowing I was there, and one of them (which I considered a friend) was trashing me like you couldn't imagine. The other was trying to calm her down. I can't even remember exactly how it felt, it was so traumatic. I remembered I went through a pletora of emotions, confusion, embarrassement, then I became very angry, and defeated at the same time. This was the moment I learned this can happen. People can imagine things about me that are not true. (That was a saturnine person by the way)
Two days before a guy I thought I loved and thought loved me back had left my house never to return, or talk to me again, Because of something aparently harmless I said impulsively. I had been crying so hard I thought I would die. I had just gotten the energy to try and face normal life, try to get my mind off that very disturbing event. And now this. It was felt so intensily. It was marked in my cells. I hardly recall consciently how it felt, but the effects are very much with me to this day, and I'm very very grateful. It made me much more careful, much more self protective, which I wasn't at all before. Valueble lesson.
I also got vaccined against being impulsive in relationships for good. Talk about a saturn in the 7th start. It made me not bare the idea of ending a relationship again, exposing myself to any more people, meeting famillies etc, to have it all end in an impulse. all that could go wrong in relationships did at this time. And I was all ears for saturn...."saturn, please teach me how to never have none of this happen again". I'm wiser now. Oh, this didn't make me hate people more. It made me appreciate some people alot more. Opposites always come together. By becoming aware there are nasty people, I value good people more. I became more realistic in relationships, and it stabilizes me alot. I learned I am the best barometer for finding good people. Now when I'm confused about someones good intentions I ask myself, what would I do in this situation, and usually if it's not what the person did, I don't take too long to figure out what their intention might be.
I wasn't born very perceptive of people's intentions, but I'm learning. I like it. I have pluto, I will survive. It pays to be good, I've always known that. I felt very at peace with myself during that transit. It was pretty intense and complex. I wonder what will happen in august... THE saturn return. o_O
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Burning Monk
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thich_Quang_DucBorn in 1897 – died June 11, 1963
This person was a Vietnamese Mahayana Buddhist monk who burned himself to death at a busy Saigon road intersection on June 11, 1963. He self-immolated in protest for the persecution of Buddhists by South Vietnam's administration. Photos of his self-immolation were circulated widely across the world and brought attention to the policies of the regime. After his death, his body was re-cremated, but his heart remained intact. This was interpreted as a symbol of compassion and led Buddhists to revere him as a bodhisattva, heightening the impact of his death on the public psyche.
Very impressive. "Life's not worth living until you've found something worth dying for".
I read this quote somewhere and never forgot it, because it's so "mars in aquarius" - I thought - working for something bigger then you makes life make sense. This monk makes life make sense by "stating" that the body and the material are illusion, the body is temporary. He died for a cause, a human and spiritual cause. It's worth thinking about. I kind of envy the monk. Don't you?
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Rambles
I want to find something new to cook..... urgent. a new pastry.
I just realized today how come I gained 3 kgs in one month. I went off the pill. it makes me loose weight, unlike most people. I'll go back.
I guess this means I don't have to diet as much.
I want to cook somethign exciting. my cookies have reached their peak and are fastly getting worst. It freaks me out.
I have nothing important to say today. so I should be quiet. I'm slightly stressed and needy. I need fresh air.
Amma On CNN
I'm hoping to go see Amma in Spain later this year with my fiance and have her bless us, that will be our marriage, spiritualy. I'm very excited about it.
A friend of mine has been with Amma and says it is a spiritual experience to hug her. The love is palpable even in her videos.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Awakening the Mother
This is a tiny pisces baby we met last week...... I think we connected. Pisces connect alot with each other. See how they swim in flocks? That's what happens. Notice his upset face while with my cancerian man...
Now, notice his peaceful smiling face looking deep in my eyes. Yeah... Babies are pure spirits. This is what I'm realizing.
I read a couple days ago how a transit of jupiter in the 12th house is good for getting pregnant. It makes sense.. then when jupiter (expansion ) goes on the 1st (how u look) you get huge.
Then today someone on the street gave me a flower for Mother's day... which will be sunday.
All this mother energy going around me. I would actually be happy if I got pregnant now. Not that it's a good time at all. But it rarely is anyway. I want a pisces baby. That means I need to get pregnant in July! :)
Let's see what Ben says about that. :) I love his genes. He loves kids. So far so good.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Botanic Garden
This tree has some kind of plant over it.... it was amazing, so tall! A person could live in there.
I'm chubby, I gained 3 kilos from all the cooking. I kind of like it. But I want to loose 6 kgs. I need to get a grip before the clothes stop fitting.
Amazing ancient trees..
this is actually a bathroom now. Gorgeous one!
My smile was getting old cause Ben decided to wait for the cat to go by, so it would be in the picture. I love this tree and the old building.
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