I'm glad I have this blog where i can let my dark side loose sometimes. I'm trying hard to get in touch with it and feel confortable, it's hard. I don't know how to make it.
I'm having major saturn in the 7th issues. Mars has just entered my 7th too. I've got this neighbour, a women in her 40's living in the building next to mine. She spents her days by the window ironing clothes, from 9 to 5. She makes a lunch break. She seems capricornish, a very low level one, the frustrated and obsessed with rules kind. When I take the dog out I usually let her off the leash so I don't have to be 2 feet near her when she pees, and so she can run and etc. There's usually no one outside, like today. This woman sees the dog without a leash and she freaks out, says "I've told you I don't want this dog out here without a leash, I'm calling the police, you must be retarded..etc" She's getting more pissed off because I usually ignore her, I haven't disrespected her at all, I just ignore her and move away with the dog, I ignore her because I don't talk to people I don't know if they aren't nice to me, why should I? I imagine this is normal for her. And she doesn't think it's normal that I ignore her like the rude nutcase she is. She's threatened my friends that took the dog for a walk when I'm not at home, and she's told them I must be retarded. this is her impression on me, for not talking back at her. She must think either I'm retarded or I'm despizing her, so being retarded seems more likely. She thinks the street is hers problably. That's what I asked her today, if she thinks the street is hers. She says the police will come to my house to get me.
She's inside her house shouting out the window, I can't iamgine she's afraid the dog will fly into her window and bite her in the ass... the dog isn't agressive at all. I just don't understand what her problem is.
anyway, Ignoring her doesn't seem viable anymore. I'll have to deal with this everyday or adapt my life so she never sees my dog again wich is hard if she's at the window all day long.
I'm really poisoned with anger by now and I keep thinking what I'll say to her. I want to kill her with words, I really do. I want to make her shit in her pants. I'm having all this hate feelings and it's making me think of my saturn opposite mercury. I'm very insecure with words. this doesn't apply much to writing, because writing is a very saturnine thing, but talking is totally different. this also made me miss my ex scorpio friends, who had a really poisonous mouth, they would call her all sorts of things. And i'm thinking why don't I do that? would it make me feel better? I have no idea. I've never done that. I think it would. Except it sounds really silly and agravating, to go down to someone's level and say mean things, even though you mean it. But if it made me feel better I definatly would.
I'm taking time to let this be in my life and think about it because I think this is a lesson I should learn. A lesson to not transcend things, to actually be incarnated and be affected by people like I am, and learn to respond. I just don't think there is a way to win in such situation. I know I'm sick of people using me to get their dirt out. This woman is frustrated with her life, who wouldn't be? I bet she's very afraid of many things, and that's what moves her. But why should I put up with it? Do i have a choice? Meaning, will I feel better? also, I have a really strong mars and pluto. If I declare war I'll go all the way until the police arrests me, I'll could loose control. I'm considering that too. Anyway, next time i'll tell her to mind her own business and we'll take it from there, maybe she'll back off. She doesn't bug the nighbours dogs, I'm sure they've told her some nice things. People from Lisbon are very used to dealing with people like this. I wonder if it's a local thing.
I wonder if this is the time to get into a fight. with saturn in the 7th and all. It's opposite my sun exactly right now. I'm very unconfortable. ... I have aries in the 3rd house, and neighbours really get to me, they do. I go balistic. But being who I am, i don't act on it, and then I think about it for days, weeks. and that's not good. it's not good.........
sorry if all these bad vibes rub off on you. I hope not. I just needed to vent.